Archive for the ‘Captions’ Category

Programmer paintings

May 21, 2016

From Elizabeth Daingerfield Zwicky, a link to the Tumblr site “Classic Programmer Paintings”, in which paintings (some famous, some genre paintings chosen for their pictorial content) are captioned with jokes about the life of programming. Two examples (both from painters new to me):

(#1)

Ivan Bilibin, “Koschei the Deathless” from Marya Morevna (1900): “Senior security engineer on his way to deliver comments to developers”

(#2)

Osman Hamdi Bey, “The Tortoise Trainer” (1906): “The Shell Scripter”

(a play involving shell program ‘a program that provides an interface between the user and the operating system’ (NOAD2))

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Mint, Flint, Slate, Brick

May 1, 2016

From Daily Jocks on the 28th, an Obviously AnatoMAX man, with a caption of mine:

He scrutinized himself pitilessly in the
Mirror, as a piece of meat to feed the
Hot guys – Was his hairstyle
Trendy enough? Would his long slim torso
Excite them, or did they need
Big muscles? Was the Hipster Trunk in Mint
Too faggy, or would that be a good thing? Would the
Humongous pouch make them laugh or
Get them hard?

He’s in a Hipster Trunk, which comes in Mint, Flint Blue, Slate, and Red Brick.

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Magnitude boys

April 10, 2016

(Ok, men’s bodies and some suggestive verse, but nothing really X-rated. And there’s even a bit of language stuff.)

The most recent Daily Jocks ad, with an accompanying on-line ad (and my caption):

(#1)

(#2)

His name was McTrim,
And he called himself Tim,
But everyone knew him as Pansy.

Now he and his man, who called himself Stan.
Were in the back room making whoopee, when
Their buddy broke in, grinning a grin, growling
Move over boys, Daddy needs nookie!

(Ok, a take-off on Lennon & McCartney’s Rocky Raccoon. And yes, I’ve messed with the line divisions, while preserving the rhymes, including my half-rhyme whoopee – nookie, which introduces the item nookie, for another posting.)

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Color scheme

April 2, 2016

(Men in underwear, but no actual street talk or X-rated images.)

Yesterday’s Daily Jocks ad (with a caption of mine):

(#1)

Ben ran through the
Watermelon patch in his
Fruity jockstrap, hunting for
His boy Dino, Di, Princess Di!, in
Diamond Dash Pink briefs that
Drove Ben crazy for him,
Slim on slim, take a
Bite of the fruit, baby.

Ben’s boy Di, in the Supawear Diamond Dash Brief in Pink:

(#2)

Like the caption says, slim on slim.

DO NOT WRITE ME about the problems with the image of a black man on a field of watermelon slices. I will write separately about the racist stereotype and its long, very sad, history, and about street vendors’ calls, the watermelon woman in Porgy and Bess, Herbie Hancock’s jazz standard “Watermelon Man”, Melvin van Peebles’s in-your-face movie Watermelon Man, and more. I frankly can’t imagine what was going through the DJ ad writers’ heads when they put together the image in #1, which would have been merely heavily gay-sexual (like premium men’s underwear ads in general) and playful (with its outrageous colors and its in-your-face flaunting of the anti-gay slur fruit). if it hadn’t been for those watermelon slices. I was, in fact, affronted, but I’ll put off explaining why to another posting. This one is for a fantasy pairing of two gay men, as in the caption.

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Smooth operator

March 19, 2016

From Daily Jocks yesterday (with my caption):

(#1)

Joey Jockstrap was a cheap con man who
Preyed on gullible gay men, luring them through his
Intriguing slicked-back retro look and his
Intense, urgent sexual presence – but he couldn’t
Restrain himself from ripping off his clothes to
Parade the jutting package in the jockstrap.that
Gave him his alliterative street name.

Lift! Support! Enhance!

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Boxing

March 17, 2016

A Daily Jocks ad (for their underwear club, but featuring Pump! wear) from the 14th, with the man we know as Lukas (sometimes as Joe) in the Pump! Cruise Boxer (with pockets), in Pump!’s home town of Montréal:

(#1)

And Lukas’s boyfriend Ken, doing a cock tease in his Pump! Touchdown Cruise Boxer (with a fly):

(#2)

My caption for #1:

He boasted he was
Monosexual – “Only guys,
All the time” – not any kind of
Multisexual, but he was
Aggressively multicultural,
Multilingual, working in
Gay porn in several languages,
Hustling guys in many countries,
Lukas in Czech in his
Native land, Joe in English with his
Boyfriend Ken in San Francisco.
Eventually, proudly, Lukas everywhere:
Finland (for Helsinki Athletica),
Montréal (for Pump!), and he’s a damn good
Papi.

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Sex in the shadows

March 6, 2016

(There will be stuff about music and some incidental stuff on translation, but there’s also crude mansex in very plain language, so this is certainly not for kids or the sexually modest.)

The latest Daily Jocks ad, with a caption of mine (one you can sing!):

Randy Handy stands in the shadows
While his johns walk in the light
You see the rich guys shine in brightness
But their stud hustler’s out of sight

Randy is prime meat in his rentboy stable, so a 50%-off sale is a real money-saver, guys.

Some background notes on the fantasy in the caption, then lots of words on the source of the caption (meanwhile, think “Mack the Knife”).

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Tinging the scalene triangle

March 5, 2016

From Daily Jocks on the 2nd, a set of three images for 2eros underwear, with this ad copy (untouched here):

X MARKS THE SPOT

Australian luxury brand 2eros have released The X-Series, a new active underwear collection. Each styles comes in two marle colours, grey and black. It features 2EROS’s signature form fit and singled lined pouch for that enhanced but natural lift. Made from premium Lenzing Modal® which has epitomized pure luxury and softness for over 40 years.

Give your skin the ultimate sensual feeling, the fibre remains wonderfully soft even after repeated washing and retains its color brilliance.

(As you will see in #2 below, the spot that X marks seems to be the anus.)

[Quick addition: I neglected to explain marle. This is the British spelling corresponding to American marl. From NOAD2:

a mottled yarn of differently coloured threads, or fabric made from this yarn: blue marl leggings. ORIGIN late 19th cent.: shortening of marbled.

Similarly, red marl, navy marl, and, yes, grey/gray marl and black marl.]

Below the fold, the three images, in the sequence they came in, with a little tale of a romantic triangle in my captions.

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A family thing

February 25, 2016

Today’s Daily Jocks ad (for Marcuse swimwear, showing a model in the very low-rise line of swim briefs Jagger, in the color Ivory), and another model in the same swim briefs, plus a caption:

(#1)

(#2)

Both in their Marcuse Jaggers in Ivory, the
Spare intellectual end of extreme low-rise
Swim briefs, Mick and his brother Keith would
Troll the surf together for cute boys to
Double-team while disputing political economy
With them – the Jaggeds bewitched the pups with the
Smell of their sweat, the feel of their tight
Muscular bodies, and the
Acuity of their reasoning.

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The fearful exhibitionist

February 20, 2016

(Not about language. No direct discussion of sexual acts either.)

The most recent Daily Jocks ad, showing a model wearing a Supawear jock in the Supacharge line, with Lightning theme (there’s also a Thunder theme, but Lightning has the more startling colors):

(#1)

Jonas adored his
Lightning-themed
Jock strap, and
Pranced around in it
All day long, though he was
Reluctant to get
Plugged by that
Two-pronged
Electric monster.

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