Archive for the ‘Captions’ Category

News for penises: notes on phallophilia

February 20, 2019

(This posting will go lots of places, some of which — a Greek military re-enactors’ group in Melbourne — you’ll find astonishing, but there’s no denying that, as the title suggests, it’s penis-dense. Without actually depicting them — those images are in my posting this morning on AZBlogX, “Gay Heart Throbs” — but still. However, without penises strewn along the road every few feet, there’s no getting to the fun stuff (like allusions to Miss Anne Elk and to Sonnets from the Portuguese). So use your judgment.)

Phallophilia I: self-regard. A recent Daily Jocks ad (for Kasper Military shorts from the Helsinki Athletica company) showing a hunky model gazing fixedly down at his bulging crotch, with a title and a caption supplied by me:


(#1) On contemplating his penis

Could I just say here for one moment that
I have a new theory about the penis?
Yes, well you may well ask, what is my theory.
And well you may. Yes my word you may well
Ask what it is, this theory of mine.

Well, this theory that I have — which is mine —
This theory which belongs to me is as follows.
Ahem. Ahem. This is how it goes.
Ahem. The next thing that I am about to say
Is my theory. Ahem. Ready?

My theory is along the following lines.
All penises are round at one end,
Tubular in the middle, and then
Anchored in hair at the far end.

That is the theory that I have
And which is mine, and
What it is too.

— excerpts from an interview with noted penis scholar Gay H. Throbs, DPhS. (Doctor of Phallological Science)

On the nose, GHT!

(more…)

Mesh Man: Always Open for Business®

February 13, 2019

(The Daily Jocks e-mail of 2/11/19 with a homowear offer from the Varsity company came with the header “NSFW: Boys in mesh”, so this posting will clearly not be for everyone. Seductively exposed buttocks, offered sexually, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)

With a brief caption of mine:


(#1) Mesh Man: Always Open for Business®

Ever at the ready, a
Marvel of receptivity
Mesh Man, always there for you,

Mind reader and lightning
Provider of sexual
Emergency service

(more…)

Captain of our fairy band

February 13, 2019

(Hot guys in very skimpy underwear, suggestive verse, but generally playful and not actually X-rated. Use your judgment.)

Today’s  Daily Jocks sale ad, for Marco Marco Valentine’s Day homowear, with a caption in two parts, one raunchy doggerel, one Puckish:

(#1)

Lincoln Darwin Valentine
Is a cutup friend of mine
Loves the boys with all his heart
Loves them hard in every part

And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools these mortals be!

(more…)

Blue roses

January 25, 2019

Today’s ad from Daily Jocks, with a sale on men’s high-end underwear from Australian firms, in recognition of Australia Day (tomorrow, the 26th):


(#1) The 2eros Midnight Rose pattern (blue roses on a deep purple background), in a swim slip (Speedo-style swimsuit, but Speedo is a trade name) on the left and swimshorts on the right

Ad copy:

Celebrate Australia Day with DailyJocks and get 15% off your favourite Australian brands including; 2eros, Teamm8, Marcuse, Supawear & many more!

My parody caption:

Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Blue roses are my place on earth

(more…)

Mandala swimmer, Kali tat, Banksia stamp

November 5, 2018

(Hunk in a swmsuit, oblique literate raciness. Plus religion, art, and plants.)

Today’s mailing from the Daily Jocks company takes us to the beaches of Oz, where an ad for the Aussie homowear firm 2eros’s Mandala swimsuit is framed as a postcard, complete with a 2018 Oz-floral stamp. Plus a caption of mine:


(#1) The flower of his manhood

Ramble down the
Rocks to revere his pink
Lotus flower, to
Lose yourself on the
Blue wheel of desire

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At duty on the moors

October 26, 2018

(#1)

Ripped from our posts,
Dumped in this wasteland,
Together we rust

Crankily, nastily
“Old fool’s gone all mottled”
“Her door don’t work”

We hiss and huddle,
Waiting for a ring.

Why don’t you
Ever call? Why?

(more…)

Union strong!

September 3, 2018

(Men in skimpy underwear, but nothing actually scandalous. And there will be folk music, of a sort.)

It’s Labor Day, and you’re a guy, and you want to do something to celebrate working people (beyond enjoying the three-day holiday weekend, a product of the union movement). What to do?

Daily Jocks has your number: you’re hankering for a jockstrap, right? A really fine union-strong jockstrap:

(#1)

LABOR DAY FLASH SALE 🇺🇸
Get 20% off ALL Jockstraps for the next 24 hours!
Shop over 150 Jockstraps from all your favourite brands…

Sgt. Helsi, the Jumping Jack Flash, says:

Join the jockstrap army and see my world!

We are the jockstrap army
Every one of us with a basket
We all hate pants and shirts and shoes
Men: ready, aim, and flash it!

(more…)

Jo Flamingo

August 21, 2018

(Men, in skimpy underwear, projecting steamy homo-desire; compact captions of puzzling free poetry; reflections on playful fetishwear. No X, but not to everyone’s taste.)

From Daily Jocks yesterday, continuing a mini-series with models who aren’t your standard high-butch Euro muscle-hunks, this time featuring a young man I’m calling Jo Flamingo.

(#1)

Muscle Twinko his
Marco Harness
Flamenconess
Flamingolous

The ad copy (untouched by any editing from me):

Get on board with The NEW Nautical Collection! This exciting new print features Flamingos on top of blue and white stripes.
The collection features a Swim Brief, Harness & two Briefs (including one with a cheeky low cut rear!) you’ll be the hit of every party in any of these.

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I Am Your Bottom

July 27, 2018

(Taste alert: hunky guy in underwear, sexual double entendres. No explicit linguistics.)

(News flash: accompanying “Are You My Bottom?” posting to come soon.)

From Daily Jocks on the 23rd, with my caption:

(#1)

I Am Your Bottom

SpoJo exudes
Urgent desire
Coupled with
Anxiety verging on
Dread, while his

Fleshy buttocks
Press their own
Cheeky agenda

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JOR: LATINO SPIRIT

June 26, 2018

(Guy in a minimal swimsuit from the Colombian company Jor, suggestive text, but nothing at all hard-core.)

The Daily Jocks sale ad yesterday, with my caption:


(#1) JOR: LATINO SPIRIT

Jor, son of Toro and Jordache
Lovingly hand-made
Lean, festive, resilient
Shines sexily in the sun

Lies proudly under Panama,
Has jungle liaisons with
Pacific Ecuador,
Caribbean Venezuela

Boasts cheekily in Bogotá
Of his tough style

(more…)