Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category

News for penises: notes on phallophilia

February 20, 2019

(This posting will go lots of places, some of which — a Greek military re-enactors’ group in Melbourne — you’ll find astonishing, but there’s no denying that, as the title suggests, it’s penis-dense. Without actually depicting them — those images are in my posting this morning on AZBlogX, “Gay Heart Throbs” — but still. However, without penises strewn along the road every few feet, there’s no getting to the fun stuff (like allusions to Miss Anne Elk and to Sonnets from the Portuguese). So use your judgment.)

Phallophilia I: self-regard. A recent Daily Jocks ad (for Kasper Military shorts from the Helsinki Athletica company) showing a hunky model gazing fixedly down at his bulging crotch, with a title and a caption supplied by me:


(#1) On contemplating his penis

Could I just say here for one moment that
I have a new theory about the penis?
Yes, well you may well ask, what is my theory.
And well you may. Yes my word you may well
Ask what it is, this theory of mine.

Well, this theory that I have — which is mine —
This theory which belongs to me is as follows.
Ahem. Ahem. This is how it goes.
Ahem. The next thing that I am about to say
Is my theory. Ahem. Ready?

My theory is along the following lines.
All penises are round at one end,
Tubular in the middle, and then
Anchored in hair at the far end.

That is the theory that I have
And which is mine, and
What it is too.

— excerpts from an interview with noted penis scholar Gay H. Throbs, DPhS. (Doctor of Phallological Science)

On the nose, GHT!

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Be more Michael B. Jordan

February 15, 2019

So a Coach ad today exhorts us:


(#1) “Be more Michael B. Jordan. Start with the look.”

Oh, honey, I wish I could, but there’s just no chance. Put aside the race thing, I’m never going to be an icon of masculinity, with that face, that body, and that manner.

And I couldn’t pull off the

Colorblock Shearling Jacket in Burnt Sienna

that Coach is selling (for a cool, or possibly very hot, $2200). MBJ can easily rise above its magnificent fagginess — the purple block is a nice finishing touch — and there are gay men who could flaunt that fagginess defiantly, but I’m not up to either of these presentations.

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Mesh Man: Always Open for Business®

February 13, 2019

(The Daily Jocks e-mail of 2/11/19 with a homowear offer from the Varsity company came with the header “NSFW: Boys in mesh”, so this posting will clearly not be for everyone. Seductively exposed buttocks, offered sexually, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)

With a brief caption of mine:


(#1) Mesh Man: Always Open for Business®

Ever at the ready, a
Marvel of receptivity
Mesh Man, always there for you,

Mind reader and lightning
Provider of sexual
Emergency service

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Captain of our fairy band

February 13, 2019

(Hot guys in very skimpy underwear, suggestive verse, but generally playful and not actually X-rated. Use your judgment.)

Today’s  Daily Jocks sale ad, for Marco Marco Valentine’s Day homowear, with a caption in two parts, one raunchy doggerel, one Puckish:

(#1)

Lincoln Darwin Valentine
Is a cutup friend of mine
Loves the boys with all his heart
Loves them hard in every part

And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools these mortals be!

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A camelid from darkest Peru

January 29, 2019

A souvenir from Juan Gomez, who visited Peru (Cuzco, Machu Picchu) with his family for the New Year’s holiday: a little stuffed llama I’ve named Glama Grrl (he’s seen here perched high in the spathyphyllum forest on my worktable):

(#1)

The Peruvian camelid has been exploited for all sorts of word play purposes, perhaps most famously in the light verse of Ogden Nash, but also in joking that turns on the fact that the element llam– has (at least) three separate sources in Spanish (referring to the camelid, to fire or flames, and to calling (out)). Glama Grrl will then lead us to the original traveler from darkest Peru, Paddington Bear.

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News for Aussie penises on their national day

January 26, 2019

Well, not the actual penises, but the packages or pouches containing them, advertising them while technically concealing them. (Plus, butts too.)

All this in an Australia Day image found by one of my lgbt+ Facebook friends (who came across it in a “sports” group):


(#1) Comment from another friend in the lgbt+ group: “Smuggling budgies, I see”

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Blue roses

January 25, 2019

Today’s ad from Daily Jocks, with a sale on men’s high-end underwear from Australian firms, in recognition of Australia Day (tomorrow, the 26th):


(#1) The 2eros Midnight Rose pattern (blue roses on a deep purple background), in a swim slip (Speedo-style swimsuit, but Speedo is a trade name) on the left and swimshorts on the right

Ad copy:

Celebrate Australia Day with DailyJocks and get 15% off your favourite Australian brands including; 2eros, Teamm8, Marcuse, Supawear & many more!

My parody caption:

Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Blue roses are my place on earth

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Uri and Avi

January 22, 2019

Uri and Avi
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

The US/UK children’s chant — meant to embarrass the kids named in it –realized in this photo of an Israeli Jew I’ve called Uri and a Palestinian Muslim I’ve called Avi (not sitting in a tree, but standing flagrantly in public):

(#1)

The photo came to me from Michael Nieuwenhuizen, who found it (unsourced) on Facebook and was moved by it (as was I), as a depiction of men kissing openly and as a depiction of romantic attachment across the boundaries of race and religion — doubly transgressive, and for gay men like Mikkie and me, doubly satisfying.

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Nighthawks on New Year’s

January 2, 2019

A memorable New Yorker cover for the New Year: an Owen Smith parody of Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks (one of a great many such parodies):

(#1)

Three things: Nighthawks parodies, Owen Smith, and party hats.

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The 12 days of Christmas

December 25, 2018

(Hunky model in his prominently bulging underwear, but otherwise not salacious.)

This Daily Jocks sale ad appeared yesterday (Christmas Eve), and for the first time in 12 days I actually attended to the ad copy (all the ads used old images from the company’s stock, so I’d skipped over them as sources for posting on this blog):

(#1)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Get early access to our end of year sale 20% off storewide.

Shop 600+ products from over 20 brands, in all your favorite styles. From Jockstraps to Wrestling Suits you will be sure to find something you love.

This is our biggest sale of the year!

By DJ’s reckoning, December 23rd, the day before Christmas, was the 12th (and last) day of Christmas. Whoa! By (Western) Christian reckoning, January 5th, the day before Epiphany (the day with the Magi, or Wise Men), is the 12th day of Christmas (and today, Christmas Day, is the 1st). There are obviously two different schemes at work here, and the carol’s words give no clue as to which one it refers to; in particular, those words have no religious content at all.

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