Today’s ad mailing from the Daily Jocks homowear company came with an artistic allusion (plus some fairly routine ad copy):
(#1) [ad copy:] 20% OFF – FETISHWEAR Welcome to The DailyJocks Backroom, from harnesses to wrestling suits, check out some of the most intimate products from your favourite brands including DJX, Nasty Pig & many more
It’s a grease monkey homage! To the Herb Ritts oeuvre, specifically to Fred with Tires, Hollywood 1984.
(There will, as the title tells you, be riffs on squat, well, on squat. Since I’m given to finding my material in louche and faggy places, there will be brief encounters with squat — short and thick, fireplug-like — male organs and with a squatting position for receptive anal intercourse. But no visible body parts.)
I glanced at today’s incoming e-mail, which included a mailing from the New York Times with a link to a story of theirs offering life advice:
(#1)
I found it remarkable that the paper was giving pointers on how to embark on living in uninhabited buildings without the legal right to do so. But then we live in precarious times, and millions are having trouble coping.
Then I found the fine print of the mail header:
Today’s Zippy strip has Griffy and Zippy inside the Boulevard Diner in Worcester MA while snow falls outside:
(#1) The two men exchange opinions about their two favorite things, which are definitely not raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens: Griffy’s (diners and snow) are more conventional, and are linked to their context; while Zippy’s (Vincent Price and sushi) are decidedly eccentric, and have no connection to the context or to each other
And now the time has come to speak of many things.
From Steven Levine on Facebook yesterday, some J. Crew joke boxer shorts:
(#1) Steven on Facebook: I was looking to pick up some new boxer shorts and came across this print of wiener dogs in wiener buns, with mustard. I guess this is a standard old-school cartoon joke image, but it still seems an odd thing to put on your underwear.
A card from Ann Burlingham (written 1/9/22), amended with a rainbow Z heading a fortune cookie fortune from my last Chinese take-out meal:
(#1) Photo by Gary D. Moon, Tillamook Light in storm, Cannon Beach OR (the top of “Terrible Tilly’s” Light is 134ʹ above sea level)
Instead of the familiar (phallic) rocket being launched in a cloud of smoke and flames as an ejaculatory symbol, here we get another viscerally intense image: a (phallic) lighthouse in a raging sea storm.
🐯🐅🐯(tiger – tiger – tiger, rather than rabbit- rabbit – rabbit) anticipating by a bit the new month tomorrow (February, holding the promise that — in the Northern Hemisphere — winter will in fact come to an end) and also the (lunar) new year, the Year of the Tiger
Meanwhile, this morning’s e-mail brings me a Wayno/Piraro Bizarro with the excellent POP (phrasal overlap portmanteau) portmanteau truck = portmanteau + tow truck, the truck in question being a brunch (breakfast + lunch) truck where you can get Tofurkey (tofu + turkey) with Dijonnaise (Dijon + mayonnaise) dressing and a cronut (croissant + doughnut), which you can eat with a spork (spoon + fork).
At the same time, a Daily Jocks ad that’s at once charming and raunchy, featuring a model wearing a garment I would call a moosinglet, a moose singlet, that is, a wrestling singlet in which the model is displaying a moose-knuckle, a penis (especially an erect one) that is visible though the wearer’s clothing.
And then portmanteau truck will lead us to portmanteau jam as a name for a POP chain.
From Ann Burlingham (in snowy Pittsburgh) on Facebook this morning, this ice patch:
(#1)
AB: Late Friday sun. Jason [her husband, Australian-born, now a US citizen] says I have rearranged some things if I think that ice patch looks like Australia.
AZ: That’s a hung Oz — with a really big Tasmania.
(Obviously not to the taste of the sexually modest.)
Very brief note. At least for the moment, my phallozoo collection — a menagerie of plastic models of creatures, real and fabulous, with phallic bodyparts realized as simulacra of penises — is complete.
The menagerie is housed in two locations in my bedroom.
On a dresser by the window, in the Woolly Mammoth house (which holds a once-“animaltronic” hulk with a dark brown rubber-like plastic skin; and a somewhat smaller and more fanciful stuffed toy with a purple, blue, and yellow cloth skin — creatures I call Butch and Fey): Fey and Butch each have in their shadow an elephant with phallus as trunk and now also a similarly phallic woolly mammoth (illustrated below, #1, in gold); and in the space between Fey and Butch, three phallus-necked brontosauruses disport themselves.
Meanwhile, on a shelf on my desk, amidst an assortment of memorabilia and miscellaneous phalliana, an assortment of phallic Tyrannosaurus rexes of many sizes and colors lord it over a pair of gorillas, a pair of rhinos, a pair of a pair of camels, and a pair of flying dragons (all similarly phallic, of various sizes and colors), plus two yellow banana-dicks and, now, a green dicky turtle (illustrated below, #2).
Warning in advance: this posting will turn to discussions of genitals, mostly female, with symbolic and schematic representations, so it won’t be comfortable for everyone.
But it starts with a culinary celebration of the holiday season, Owen Campbell’s Facebook posting of course 3 of Christmas Eve dinner at his house:
(#1) Seafood moments: mussels here — and then oysters (courses 2 and 4), plus mushrooms stuffed with crab
Why all this seafood? Because it was Christmas Eve, and though Owen and his husband are in wintry Winnipeg and not sunny Sicily (where the seafood is a component of La Vigilia), bivalves and crustaceans are still appropriate for anticipating the arrival of the Child.
So, first: about the Seven Fishes (with fish ‘seafood’). Then specifically about mussels, as food. And then more about mussels, as symbols of the female genitalia (where we will encounter an instructive anatomical diagram cheerily entitled “Meet the Vulva” — note warning above).
Two things about today. First, it’s Day 3 of the 12 Days of Commercial Christmas, celebrated on the Daily Jocks site with this vision of playfully phallic briefs (the Hot Dog pattern of Cheeky underwear by Maverick):
(#1) 🌭 🌭 Also available in trunks and jockstrap; and in a Peach pattern (the playfully pygic, or buttocks, counterpart to the phallic pattern above); more discussion below
The ad copy from DJ:
Look tasty in the new Maverick Cheeky Brief! Featuring a fun design of miniature hot dogs, this brief is fabulous and comfortable. / Made from a soft and stretchy material, the pouch features contrasting piping to accentuate your assets. / 88% Nylon, 12% Elastane
Second, it’s the traditional Nishi — Japanese for ‘west’ — Day in my household, the beginning of the 5-day drive from Columbus OH west to Palo Alto CA for winter quarter (matched by Higashi Day, March 15th, for the start of the return trip).
