(entertaining, but totally not for kids or the sexually modest)
The seminar was called to order on 9/21 on Facebook by Michael Thomas, who introduced the key background element, the internet fridge. The participants were three gay men, long-time friends (our shared backgrounds and the relaxed, playful atmosphere are important here): speakers Michael Thomas and me, with Michael’s husband Aric Olnes in a non-speaking role. From the transcript (somewhat edited):
— MT: We [MT and AO] hooked our fridge up to the internet the other day. Here’s a question for the ages: do fridges watch porn while the doors are shut?
— AZ: But of course. And then they fall asleep and dream of abusing electric sheep. And you thought that was condensation on the fridge walls, didn’t you?
— MT > AZ: fridge spunk. just scrape it off for your coffee in the morning.
— AZ > MT: Absolutely. The best jizz there is.
There’s an enormous amount of stuff packed into this — some from the widespread sexual culture of modern America or from popular culture but also some from gay male sexual culture. I will now do some unpacking.
while the doors are shut. An observation about modern American sexual culture: men go behind closed doors to watch video porn and jack off in privacy. What happens in an internet-connected fridge when the doors are closed?
dream of electric sheep. An internet fridge is a kind of domestic android. Then from Wikipedia:
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? … is a 1968 dystopian science fiction novel by American writer Philip K. Dick. It is set in a post-apocalyptic San Francisco, where Earth’s life has been greatly damaged by a nuclear global war. The main plot follows Rick Deckard, a bounty hunter who has to “retire” (a euphemism for kill) six escaped Nexus-6 model androids, while a secondary plot follows John Isidore, a man of sub-par IQ who aids the fugitive androids.
The book served as the basis for the 1982 film Blade Runner and, even though some aspects of the novel were changed, many elements and themes from it were used in the film’s 2017 sequel Blade Runner 2049.
abusing sheep. A folk trope about shepherds, especially Australian ones, being given to engaging in bestiality — fucking their sheep. Not that it doesn’t ever happen, but it’s a rare practice, not a commonplace. Not true, but a hot dirty story.
condensation on fridge walls. Semen / cum from a wet dream, known more elegantly as a nocturnal ejaculation / emission. From here on, the exchange is thoroughly seminal.
spunk … jizz. Racy slang for semen / cum.
for your coffee. For gay men, fellatio / cocksucking is everyday sex, and a mouthful of cum — salty, with a light iodine undertone, a splash of seaside essence of man — is one of its rewards. (This is the good news. But, sadly, in real life a guy’s cum is flavored by substances he’s ingested, and can be bitter and unpleasant.) From my 7/19/13 posting “More sexual slang”, about cum play of various kinds, in particular snowballing [cum sharing] and gokkun [cum drinking]:
There are many forms of cum play, and they have special emotional power in the gay world, because of the symbolic value of cum to gay men. Cum feeding (with the fingers) and cum eating (by licking it off a dick or the surface of someone else’s body) are common practices, as of course is swallowing the cum of a partner at the climax of cocksucking. Coming on your partner’s face or in their open mouth (in a cum facial) was discussed, and illustrated, in an AZBlogX posting “Scruff cum” on cum facials (and related forms of bukkake). And rubbing cum into the skin (your own or someone else’s), like a lotion, is also common.
Meanwhile, cum in food and cum as food is the basis for a whole genre of gay porn films. Cum as a creamer in coffee (and in an icing for cakes, and so on) will strike most people as on the line between sexy-hot and ick. As for me, I take my coffee black and my cum fresh and straight up.
best jizz there is. We were being playful, so I went out on a rhyme.
September 24, 2025 at 6:13 am |
But, sadly, in real life a guy’s cum is flavored by substances he’s ingested, and can be bitter and unpleasant.
My recollection from many years ago is that this was especially true of smokers.
September 24, 2025 at 6:33 am |
Smokers, and guys who have been drinking dark liquors — rums, whiskies — vs. clear liquors like gin and vodka.
September 25, 2025 at 6:06 am
Hmm, yes, I remember one guy who had just finished off the remains of an old bottle of Armagnac, but I think he was a smoker too.