Be the Master of the Meat!

(Warning: some discussion of sexual slang in a serious but straightforward tone.)

From the annals of masculine meat holidays in my country, a Blackstone tv spot “Father’s Day: Griddle Envy” (first aired 6/1/22), in which the announcer projects macho good-buddy enthusiasm for a Blackstone griddle as a Father’s Day gift (6/19 this year, just two days away! And the next American MascMeatHol, Independence Day, aka the Fourth of July, is only two weeks away):

(#1) The envy-inciting appliance: a Blackstone 4-burner 36″-griddle propane-fired cooking station with side shelves (about $300); you can view the ad at this site

From the alliterative text:

Give him what he really wants … Your Dad can be the master of the meat, the king of the cookout, the sultan of steak

The snickering guy-joke stuff — griddle envy as a play on penis envy, meat as covert reference to penises, then steak too — was surely intended; it’s naughty-boy talk. Probably even give him what he really wants [for Father’s Day], ’cause everybody knows that what guys really want is to get laid.

(And then there are dads like me, whose desire to get laid aligns neatly with their desire to master metaphorical meat.)

Meat Master, Master of Meat, Master of the Meat. The alliterative play isn’t new with Blackstone; it’s all over the place. A few examples:

(#2) The first gourmet meat store in Jordan (yes, .jo, the country in the Levant)

(#3) Etsy Meat Master apron by Zero Gravitee Shop (available in red, Kelly green, or khaki)

(#4) Etsy Master of the Meat apron by Wicked Bird designs (available in black or white)

Background: MascMeatHols. From my 5/30/22 posting “Into the holiday fire pit”:

Welcome to the holiday fire pit! For Memorial Day (this year, Monday May 30th, today) — because searing slabs of raw meat over an open fire is an obvious way to honor our war dead — and for Father’s Day (this year, coming up on Sunday June 19th) — because searing slabs of raw meat over an open fire is the obvious way to recognize a man’s ability to, as the poet put it, fuck kids up.

In past years, advertisements that came my way for the masculine meat holidays were entirely focused on  conventional grilling apparatus: from various forms of charcoal-fired grills (the simplest round portable grill / barbecues, more substantial wheeled rectangular devices), through gas-fired stoves on wheels, up to motorized spit-roasting machinery.

But in my on-line life, this seems to be the year of the fire pit …

The gas-fired stoves on wheels (as in #1) endure, of course.

Background: metaphorical meat, (tube) steak, and beef. In some previous postings on this blog:

from 6/25/15 in “The news for penises, including accidental ones”: tube steak and white gravy ‘ejaculating penis’

from 1/19/17 in “Meaty Matters”: meat ‘body’; meat ‘penis’; meat market, meat rack, meatmen

from 4/9/17 in “The trophy boys park the beef bus in tuches town”: beefy body type, beef ‘muscles’ and ‘penis’; tuches ‘buttocks’ and ‘anus’

— from 1/19/20 in “Meat on the Beach”: sexual slang uses of meat

Then, of course, there’s the ambiguity in beat one’s meat: use a meat tenderizer on one’s literal meat (#5), masturbate one’s metaphorical meat (#6):

(#5) 10ʺ aluminum meat tenderizer from the Webstaurant Store, with meat

(#6) From the XVideos site: “Gorgeous man masturbating his big [meat]”

One Response to “Be the Master of the Meat!”

  1. arnold zwicky Says:

    From Robert Coren on Facebook on 6/18:

    Now I’m thinking of the TV ads for Arby’s, which conclude with the slogan (spoken in an exaggeratedly macho manner) “We have the meats!”

    And then there’s the Wendy’s slogan “Where’s the beef?”, which even has its own Wikipedia page:

    “Where’s the beef?” is a catchphrase in the United States and Canada, introduced as a slogan for the fast food chain Wendy’s in 1984. Since then it has become an all-purpose phrase questioning the substance of an idea, event, or product.'s_the_beef%3F

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