Preference labels and little pockets

(This will go, almost immediately, into the weeds of male genitals and mansex in street talk, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)

Daily Jocks ad on the 10th (with somewhat rocky non-native English):

Limited Edition DJX Party Pocket Sock are here. A Crew length cotton sock with a hidden pocket to keep your goodies! Pick from 7 different styles – Buy any 3 get 1 free:

(#1) TOP, BOTTOM, VERS (sex position, well specifically, fuck position); DADDY, BEAR, TWINK (gay type)

Your goodies are probably your condoms — whatever small thing that, if you’re a queer, you need to have immediately available when you are at a sociosexual occasion wearing only footgear, and maybe some minimal, decorative undergarment, like a fashion-forward jockstrap. (Queer buddies: this might not be your world, but don’t tell me you haven’t imagined strolling through it; you and I are, after all, the Daily Jocks target audience. A role I happily embrace, by the way.)

Otherwise, these socks are sexual advertisements: this is how I fuck, this is what kind of queer I am. Some guys put this stuff on t-shirts, some who have dispensed with t-shirts proclaim their preferences on the waistbands of their underwear

And then, for the more politically conscious among us, the Pride Party Socks, equally pocketed:


I must admit that I covet these socks. But at $13 a pair, they’re very hard to justify (and, alas, I’m decades away from needing the little pockets, though I have some warm recollections).

Preferencewear and pocketwear. Both easily available in separate lines of apparel. From earlier postings on this blog:

on 2/27/15 in “Color and advertising your preferences”, on the Curbwear Identity line, with preference labels on singlets and on underwear waistbands

on 1/31/16 in “Cruise Jogger”, on the Pump! Cruise Jogger with pockets

Of course, t-shirts provide plenty of space for text, including preference labels, and they are generally available with pockets. But you might be bent on going out shirtless and pantsless, and then you’re down to your skivvies and your socks as bulletin boards and storage nooks

T-shirts. Now I’ll move to t-shirts with sexual messages, just taking a small sample of types. First, tees for fucking, mostly those advertising a preference for getting fucked and those more directly advertising a desire to get fucked. Then, tees  focused on cock size, mostly the wearer’s proclaiming his own size.

The fuck theme follows on a “Valentine’s Day Fuck” video treated in two of my postings:

on 2/12/20 in “Big dicks, sex roses, and Angel Rock” (AZBlogX)

on 2/13/20 in “Lincoln Darwin Valentine Day” (this blog, AZBlog)

and looks forward to a posting, to come, on pussy as self-identification and as taunt.

The big-dick theme gets some working out in the “Valentine’s Day Fuck” postings, especially the first, where Angel Rock, Tate Ryder, and their big rolls of pornstar meat are featured. And that segues into the big-dick section of this posting.

Getting fucked: advertising a preference, advertising an offer. The standard label for advertising a preference for getting fucked is BOTTOM, and it appears on socks (as above), waistbands, and in big bold letters on t-shirts. Ordinarily, a man would wear a BOTTOM t-shirt only in contexts where preferred sex positions are socially relevant — on the streets of gayborhoods, in bars and clubs of the right sort, at Pride events, in cruisy parks, and so on. But I have seen the shirt on guys out on ordinary streets — maybe because they were in transit to or from one of these sex locales, or maybe because they were boldly asserting their brand of sexual identity (like the brassy QUEER, a shirt I have myself worn out in the everday world, when I was much younger, or the even more confrontational FAG or FAGGOT).

One step back from BOTTOM would be the medical / social-services terms RECEPTIVE ANAL or ANAL RECEPTIVE or RAI (for Receptive Anal Intercourse), but I don’t find any tees that far distanced from carnal connection. Though they could be conversation-starters.

But in the other direction, more or less parallel to FAG(GOT), there is the shameless effrontery of CERTIFIED PUSSY BOY, which I truly admire. From an offering on Etsy (available in a range of colors, of which this is my favorite):


Now we move from advertising a preference — roughly the message, “When fucking is on the menu, I want to be the fuckhole” — to advertising an offer — roughly the message, “I’m available for fucking, and looking for a guy to fuck me”, that is, FUCK ME.

I would have thought that a message apparently  advertising unconditional willingness to take dick up the ass would be risky, in a world where there are in fact some creepy and scary fuckers out there. But the offer isn’t entirely unconditional. You and your prospective fucker still have to close the deal, by verbal negotiation or exchanging gestures. The t-shirt isn’t enough on its own.

So in fact there are tons of FUCK ME shirts, in all sorts of fonts and colors.

In a separate development, the slogan Kiss me, I’m Irish has been elaborated into the formula V me, I’m Irish (including Fuck me, I’m Irish) and on into V me, I’m Adj (Fuck me, I’m Mexican and the like), all moving FUCK ME into the realm of playfulness and pleasure. From my 3/17/19 posting “V me, I’m Irish”:

(#4) The generic logo, suitable for both anal and vaginal intercourse — but for pleasure

(#5) Banner ad for a story: the specifically gay variant, again featuring pleasure, with smiles (and sharply differentiating the b/t roles for the men: a hole and his adored fucker)

Moving on to flat-out fuckhole offers on t-shirts, here in two inventive variants:

(#6) It’s the please that sets this one apart. Plus the playfully colorful font (from the society6 site)

(#7) I especially admire this one: in effect, a growly boast, “I’m a hell of a whore!” (from the spreadshirt site, available in many colors; the purple is my favorite) — the polar opposite of slut-shaming (slut-flaming?)

The big preference. Cock size. So bound to power, dominance, progenitivity, significance, energy, and of course raw masculinity that it’s hard to know which is metaphor and which is the ground for that metaphor. No man is free of its pull and push.

From my 1/12/13 posting “A matter of size”, on the facts:

the average erect penis is between 5 (on the low side) and 6 (on the high side) inches long, and almost all hard dicks are between 4.2 (on the low side) and 7.5 (on the high side) inches long.

These facts about the real world don’t translate well into perceptions and practices: a 5″ dick is seen (in real life and in porn) as *small* (this is my size range, and I can attest to the fact that men who really care about size find it unacceptably small), and in porn a 6″ dick isn’t notable enough for mention; write-ups of pornstars almost never mention a dick size below 7″, though 7″ is fairly common in these write-ups. Note that 7″ is only a half-inch short of truly extraordinary.

In Gayland [the fantasy world of gay porn], dicks start at this level (7″) and go on up from there, gaining in value with every half-inch. More is better, and much much more is best. Monumentally more is the stuff of dreams. Jack-off dreams.

Put somewhat more fancifully:

the Porn Standard Dick (PSD) is 7″; roughly 5-7 % of American men have cocks at least this big

the Porn World-Class Dick (PWD) is 9″; roughly 1% of American men have cocks at least this big

more than 9 inches is a joke, or a Ripley (Believe It or Not!) Marvel (RM)

Men are willing to advertise themselves on t-shirts as having 7, 8, or 9 inches:

(#8) On the Redbubble site: 7″  t-shirt (using the 7-Up logo turned into a phallic symbol)

(#9) On the Cafe Press site: 8″ t-shirt, just the fact, man

(#10) On the TeePublic site: 9″ t-shirt, an artful offer

Then, at 10″, the jokes appear. Two of them:

(#11) From the tee shirt palace site: Mine is 10-inches! (“10″ chef’s knife”)

(#12) Amazon ad copy for this shirt: “Do you love smoking meats like BBQ, burger, hot dogs, bacon, ribs? Grill master men and women can wear this while cooking barbecue. Grab a beer pint or wine and feel the hot summer on this top! Sausage Barbecue Grill Camping Shirt.”

(Actual big — long and fat — dicks can famously be problematic to manage, in mouth or asshole. Latest bulletin on this front in my 2/16/20 AZBlogX posting “News for big penises: well, it seemed like a good idea at the time”, on an ad for the studio Bareback Cum Pigs’s That Secret We Kept, with big fat dicks and the facial expressions of their recipients. Not remotely reproducible on a WordPress blog.)

RMs. So much for the jokes. On to the RMs, the Ripley Marvels (see the Page on this blog on postings about penis size). A few RM porn actors, arranged by reputed dick length:

10″: Lee Ryder, Rocco Steele, Rick Donovan

11″: Chad Douglas, Ken Ryker

14″: Brazilian phallic monument Caio Amaral (posted about several times on this blog)

Then we come to a 2/8 mailing from Falcon Studios, exhibited in my 2/12/20 AZBlogX posting “Big dicks, sex roses, and Angel Rock”. The dickless half of the mailer, with ad copy:

(#12) BIG DICK: humongous hunks with 9+″: start the year right with these movies featuring massive manhood – over 350 titles with huge meat [showing Australian-born pornstar Tate Ryder, who’s listed on the site as a PWD, with 9″; at this level, I wouldn’t quibble over fractions of an inch]

Here’s more Ryder, in his p.r. shot from Lucas Entertainment (another full-frontal display), again the top half of the photo (with some critique, from AZBlogX, of the images as photography):

(#13) “The photo work on this one is much inferior to [#12]: the pose is stiff and awkward, the facial expression hard to read ([#12] shows a dominant topman), the lighting too bright, the dick way too shiny; just shooting a naked guy with a really long hard cock isn’t really enough, there’s a craft to these things”

Ryder is a man of average height — 5´10″ — so a 9+″ dick seems out of scale (my forearms are just a bit over 9″ long): remarkable, but not necessarily attractive. His length-to-girth ratio strikes me as just about right, so his dick doesn’t appear to be either notably thin or notably fat. His dick is straight, not curved; even in girth, not flanged; and stands forward, rather than angling to one side or the other. All these characteristics make his dick satisfying for many men to look at; there’s an aesthetic for everything.

On the minus side for me is his veining. He has a couple of very prominent veins that (to my eye) look more like growths on his dick than like the bluish tracery of veins that embellish a beautiful cock.

His dickhead is well-formed, but he seems to lack a significant penile raphe, that fleshy ridge on the underside of a dick that (to me) serves as the visible and palpable sign of the cock as sex bone.

Then, in the AZBlogX posting, Angel Rock and his big fucking dick, which Falcon lists as 9″ and as 8.5″, but stands out as more than your standard PWD because Rock is short (5´5″) and his dick is fat. Here’s the upper half of his Big Fucking Dick cover:

(#14) El Gran Cubano. From the AZBlogX posting: “A Falcon compilation DVD, with Rock exhibiting a sweet little smile on the cover; he also smiles broadly, fairly often, and that’s quite charming. He’s nicely (but not extravagantly) muscled, and lightly furry: a dreamy Cubano. Meanwhile, there’s that bizarrely long and fat uncut dick, looming at us (to my mind, it’s astounding, but not especially beautiful — I have an aesthetic for such things — though it is nicely veined)”

Again the top half, Rock offering a red rose in the “Valentine’s Day Fuck” video:

(#15) The dick is an intriguing object, but this is the part that makes the dick pic work, because it infuses the dick with a persona (in this case, one I find powerfully attractive)

I say this as an avowed peniphiliac, but dick pics are static images of disembodied bodyparts, and that’s just not enough to arouse me. A torso provides a bit more context, but it’s the face that gives the dick its character and personality. Just still photos, but now representing a person, an imaginable sexual partner.

And then of course you can add motion and audio. And the dick becomes the embodiment of a man, in all his complexity.

But still available only through two of the senses. But in real life, a gay man experiences, confronts, engages with another man’s dick with his hands and mouth, through the act of cocksucking, either as a focal sexual act or as foreplay to fucking. Cocksucking adds the other senses: it provides mouthfeel, taste, smell, and warmth; in fact, if you hold the cock gently in your mouth for a moment, you can feel the blood coursing through those delicate veins. The cock is a living thing, in your mouth, an intensely male thing (no matter how faggy the bearer’s demeanor) — and a stand-in for a man whose nature you intuit from the way he moves under your hands and in your mouth. Your presumed lover. In the end he can even provide you with a shot of warm, sweet,  sea-salty essence of man.

Real world notes. All this is wonderful, but in real life, genuinely big dicks present a problem, but one that most of us rarely if ever come up against; genuinely big dicks are, in fact, quite rare. Pornstars, however, often need to practice taking big dicks into their bodies and to learn ways to open up for them without pain or injury.

An alternative is to use your hands only, or what I call tipwork (licking and sucking the dickhead and dickshaft), but many men find that utterly inadequate as a substitute for the engulfing of their dick in another man’s body in a blowjob or assfuck.

Personal notes. As it happens, my oral cavity is unusually shallow, so I’m no damn good at engulfing dicks, but back when I whored around, I did just fine with tipwork on almost all my partners. As with most gay men, cocksucking was everyday sex for Jacques and me, and tipwork was what we did for each other. (Jacques was extraordinarily adept at jacking me off — he studied my jacking myself off intently until he could reproduce beautifully what I did for myself, which was way more satisfying than my actually doing it for myself, because it was a physical and emotional connection with another man, in fact the man I loved. I was pretty good at jacking him off, but had some trouble gauging the sensitivity of his uncut dick.)

Jacques’s dick was noticeably longer than mine — I’d guess a bit over 6″ (neither of us ever saw any reason to measure) and proportional in thickness, so it was perfectly easy to handle (and, oh, his crotch, from dicktip on down, smelled and tasted just wonderful — oh dear, I am undone by poignant memories). My own 5″ (which I have measured, in order to write pieces like this one) was once described, by a satisfied t-room partner, as “a perfect mouthful” — big enough to do the job, but in no way challenging — which was meant, and taken, as praise. (Oh yes, I had a strongly musky scent and taste, sort of like distilled lockerroom, which some men — fortunately, J was one — found powerfully attractive.)

Meanwhile, in line with my Germanic heritage on both sides, I am in fact fond of big meaty sausages (see #12 above), but I literally eat them.

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