Sunday penis notes: #3 phallic food

(Lots of penis talk, but some linguistic points along the way.)

More things that popped up when I went looking for something having to do with penises — and was offered various sites on phallic food, a long-standing topic on this blog. Three senses of phallic food here: penises as food; foodstuffs that resemble penises (either naturally, or by accident); foodstuffs that are fashioned to look like penises. I’ve posted often about the last two types, but the first is new on this blog.

Penises as food. Here’s a BuzzFeed piece from 9/12/11 by Matt Stopera, “10 Penises People Actually Eat: Which one looks most appetizing to you?”, which looks at edible penises from these animals:

goat, ox, sheep, cow [beef pizzle], deer, yak, dog, donkey, seal, kangaroo

The texture of animal penis (usually steamed or deep-fried) is said to resemble calamari or squid. Animal penises are eaten as a “male tonic” (embodying masculinity) or an aphrodisiac (embodying sex); they are also said to be rich in collagen, so to be good for the skin.

Goat penis in a market:


Goat penises taste kind of like venison. They are low in fat and calories

And from Time Travel Turtle, the website of Australian travel writer Michael Turtle, this 9/1/11 posting “The cock and the chef: The Beijing penis restaurant”, which turned out to be

a rather posh restaurant with private rooms, crystal goblets, gold cutlery and a personal waitress who would explain the health benefits of the appendages we were about to taste. Apparently penis is quite a delicacy in China and the other rooms were full of businessmen who were clearly trying to impress.

The menu showed the types of penis we could choose and they certainly didn’t look too appetizing on paper. Still, we went with a platter that had three types of penis [bull, lamb, black dog], as well as donkey meat and a turtle soup:


Turtle (who is wary about turtle soup, “for family reasons”, as he says) reports that the experience is more about texture than about taste (which is subtle). Chinese restaurants serve penises with soy-based dipping sauces.

Foodstuffs resembling penises. Start with foodstuffs that are natural phallic symbols: bananas, carrots, cucumbers, and pickles, in particular, and then the sausage family, including frankfurters.  Sausages as phallic symbols occur so often that there’s a Page on this blog —  “Phallicity: The wurst” — specifically devoted to these images. Here’s a new one that came up in today’s search, in a poster for an event at a Catholic school:


Oh my.

A sampling of wurstisch phallicity in “Corndogs and their ilk” of 8/23/11, with corndogs, pigs in blankets, and bagel dogs.

Other examples of naturally phallic foodstuffs are catalogued in the Page “Phallicity: general”.

Some phallic foodstuffs are only accidentally phallic, as in #1 (an accidentally phallic pork tenderloin) in “The news for penises, including accidental ones” of 6/25/15.

Food fashioned to resemble penis. For example, the items in “News on the edible penis front” of 5/24/13, with breadstuffs, sweets of various kinds, pasta, and sushi penises. Then from today’s searching, jello shot cups, Peni-Colada Syringes from the EZ-Squeeze company:


And molds for more phallic sweet things, like the PeniPan mold:


This can be used for penis cupcakes and the like. Or as a Jello mold, yielding things like:


Blue Boy’s dick?

A  different sort of mold, the Penis Shaped Egg Mold, for dickfast:

Start your morning off right – with a penis in your mouth! With these naughty penis shaped egg frying molds you’ll be cooking up a protein storm of phallic shaped meals that will kickstart your metabolism and become a staple of your nutritious morning breakfast.


Well, there’s more. But surely this is enough for today.

Bonus. But wait! There’s more! In particular, the Classic Erotica Happy Penis Edible Penis Massage Cream in the flavor Raging Mint, as sold on Amazon. That is, for fans of composite nominals that go on forever, it’s:

Raging Mint Classic Erotica Happy Penis Edible Penis Massage Cream

(not food, but edible).


So: Raging Mint is the flavor, Classic Erotica is the company, Happy Penis is the product name, and the product type is

edible penis massage cream

which does have the sequence edible penis in it, but that’s not the way the thing is parsed. It’s not a massage cream for edible penises, but an edible cream for penis massage:

[ edible [ [ penis massage ] cream ] ]

Note that the sexual eat of eat dick ‘perform fellatio’ is not the diner’s eat of Michael Turtle was prepared to eat lamb dick. Sexual eat (in eat dick / pussy / ass) is metaphorical; no mastication is involved, and even if you swallow when you eat dick, what you swallow is his cum, not his dick.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: