Sunday penis notes: #2 the news for penises

While looking for something quite different, I discovered that if you google for something to do with penises, Google offers you a list of recent “news for penis” items. Today’s crop, with five items: a Jed York inflatable penis plummets from an upper deck at a S.F. 49ers game; a blogger fumes at still-empenissed Caitlin Jenner being named a “Woman of the Year”; a retired cop whips out his dick in the NYC subway and threatens a witness with a gun; a man with a metal wire inserted down his urethra to his bladder; and a man who claims to have the world’s largest penis endows his organ to a museum. Dicks seem to be endlessly fascinating.

The inflatable penis. From the Huffington Post yesterday, under the byline of General Assignment Reporter “Ron Dicker” (yeah, yeah):

Inflatable Penis Falls From Upper Deck At 49ers Game, Then This Happens: ‘Thanks for f–king us this season”

Ashley was watching another depressing San Francisco 49ers defeat Thursday night when an inflatable penis fell from the upper deck of Levi’s Stadium, she told the Cauldron [on Sports Illustrated]. “YORK” was written on the floating phallus, for 49ers CEO Jed York.

Fans infuriated by the 49ers’ performance:

Large inflatable penises, advertised as being for bachlorette parties, are available from several sources. There’s Captain Pecker, a strapping 6 feet tall; Gregory Pecker (28 inches long), as seen in #1; and a great many others, of various sizes, not named by their makers.

Caitlin Jenner’s penis. Meanwhile, Steven Crowder, on his Louder with Crowder website, proclaimed:

Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner Named ‘Woman of the Year.’ Still Has a Penis…

Crowder (like many people) has an imperfect understanding of what being transgender means, insisting that surgery is necessary for transition; in his view, Jenner cannot be truly M2F / MTF as long as she has a penis; her self-identification, her presentation of herself, and hormone therapy will not do. And you wonder why trans women sometimes despair.

The penis on the (subway) platform. A story that would be so routine that it wouldn’t merit a report in the media — so many men flash or jack off in public — if it hadn’t been for two details: the guy was a retired cop, and (more important) he flashed not only himself but also a gun, which he waved at an observer.

From the Photography Is Not a Crime site, the story “Retired NYPD Cop Arrested for Pulling Penis Out at Woman, Pulling Gun Out on Man”:

A man who pulled out his penis and started stroking it in front of a woman on a New York City subway, then pulled a gun on a man who followed him while recording, telling the man to “turn around and mind your own fucking business,” turned out to be a retired NYPD cop.

Steven Esposito ended up arrested because the short video the man recorded was posted on several New York City news sites, urging readers to contact police if they recognized him.

Although Esposito admitted to pulling out his penis, he claims he was only peeing on the subway platform in Midtown, not masturbating.

I think we can discount the “I was only peeing on the platform” defense. But most people, it turns out, distinguish between masturbating in a public place (like a stall in an otherwise empty restrooom) — a huge number of men, probably most of us, and a substantial number of women have done this) — and masturbating in public view in a public place, which most people view as immoral, especially when the act is directed at a specific person. (We have members-only sex clubs so that people can share these pleasures.)

Throw in the gun — don’t bother me while I’m jacking off! — and you have an event that doesn’t happen every day. Something newsworthy.

Extreme sounding. From the (UK) Mirror‘s Weird News department, a story (from China)  headlined

Shocking X-ray of man’s penis shows METAL WIRE wedged down his urethra into his bladder

Prettty clealy a case of sounding gone bad, though in the Mirror story the patient wasn’t forthcoming about how he got into his fix. For future reference: always keep a firm grasp on your sounding tool, and don’t use one that could go into your bladder: this is sex play, not urinary catheterization.

World’s Largest Penis. From a Huffington Post LIVE segment, the story “Man With World’s Largest Penis” (originally aired 5/2/14):

Jonah Falcon has the largest penis in the world [according to him]. He joins HuffPost Weird’s Buck Wolf and Ricky Camilleri to discuss why he’ll be donating his 13.5-inch sex organ to the Icelandic Phallological Museum. Well-endowed, indeed.

The interview is, of course, really jokey. Note that micropenises don’t get nearly as much news coverage as big dicks.

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