Neon jocks

(… and Fuck Me socks — just another promissory Mary, Queen of Scots Not Dead Yet posting, but even so, it’s totally not for kids or the sexually modest)

I continue to live in an awful fever dream, except that I have no fever, and my hands keep cramping up so I can’t use them for long periods, and I am ravenously hungry for protein and umami, bring me salmon and edamame, but mostly I sleep like a stone. It will pass, but meanwhile you don’t get postings, only intimations of postings.

Like this one, just a teasing peek into the odd world of what I think of as Ruff Guys, hypersexual hypermacho anally hyperreceptive man-oriented men (with, oh yes, a fetish for sex machinery).  In some paradoxical liminal world between actual leathermen and fantastical bdsm creatures. Just a peek. At Ruff Guy jockstraps: MVP Jocks in a Fort Troff e-ad of 9/12 (which I reproduce without editing):

MVP Jock 6-pk ($60)

These jocks have a vintage football jock vibe, and you get a 6-Pack [red, orange, yellow, green, blue, black].
We went factory-direct to the SAME place that makes the famous original, so you get the same great fit and durability. Fit for ANY dude who plays sports or just plays ruff.
These are our new top-notch performance gear. With a spacious pouch, keep your balls cool and comfortable. Not to mention the way the fabric molds to your body and enunciates your buldge [ouch, ouch]. Try YOURS on for size.
(96% polyester, 4% spandex)

Two of the neon numbers:



Of the 6 colors of MVP jocks (noun MVP: ‘North American most valuable player (an award given in various sports to the best player on a team or in a league)’ (NOAD)), orange, yellow, and green are neon colors, flashily eye-catching; red and blue are saturated colors, sober and handsome; plus bdsm black.  No “natural” sand-colored jock such as an actual athlete would wear. Also no jock in a “gay color” (purple, pink, lavender, magenta); this is Man Country, buddy.

A land in which Real Men play rough and take it heroically up the ass (pounded hard by truly gigantic cocks, or their even larger simulacra, including — I am not making this up — hulking metal fuck-machinery), while seeking jocks that will keep their balls cool and comfortable and also make them look really hot and fuckable. All of this managed without uttering the words gay or queer (not to mention fag, fairy, homo, pansy, fruit, nelly, nancy, or any of the rest) or displaying homo colors. It’s a complex presentation of self.

To come, eventually: the Fuck Me socks (which are made of a quick-dry fabric that keeps your feet cool and prevents them from getting stinky — honey, nobody wants to fuck a guy with stinky feet) and the fuck machines, omigod the fuck machines.

One Response to “Neon jocks”

  1. Bill Stewart Says:

    Can’t figure out how to share it, but someone on Instagram showed 3 guys in the latest fashion: playing tennis in Speedos. Somehow got imprinted with such ideas many years ago. What fun!

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