Arnold Zwicky's Blog

(Men’s underwear and its symbolic values, frank talk about male sexuality, but otherwise not over lines; use your judgment.)

Powerfully eruptive, yet respectful of his anatomy: the vaunted twin virtues of Krakatoa underwear for men, especially the company’s Vesuvius collection (which is, presumably, doubly volcanic in symbolic power), all with aggressively full front pouches, designed (as the ad copy has it) to respect a man’s anatomy while preparing him for life’s activities. The goods:

(#1) Krakatoa’s Vesuvius Collection: trunks, boxer briefs, and briefs in intense blue and intense red (power colors) and in black and (for the trunks) saturated gray (strongly masculine “just plain guy” colors), with those volcanic pouches all around

These two volcanos and this underwear will take us many places. But first, two shots of Krakatoa underwear (from lines other than Vesuvius) being modeled by actual men (accompanied by the ad copy “Put a volcano in your pants”).

(#3) Long boxer in intense green

(#4) Trunk in saturated gray

Not just well-filled pouches, but volcanic — eruptive — well-filled pouches, in wording that allows for the possibility that those spacious pouches would facilitate ejaculation: if you want to, go for it, man, ejaculate in your underwear, come in your pants, nothing wrong with that (and in fact, in the proper place, there isn’t). Promissory note: I’ll get to underpants eruptions in a while.

The associative neighborhood of Krakatoa underwear. On Facebook recently, I noted that I’d come across men’s underwear from a company called Krakatoa and was considering posting on it. And garnered responses that merely played on volcanic eruption (Jeff Goldberg: Sounds like a blast) or exploited the possible sexual innuendo (Chris Ambidge: Big bangs imminent!). In a sequence, Aric Olnes started with the innuendo (Your tease is erupting with possibilities), to which Ann Burlingham punned (lava it alone), leaving it to Timothy Riddle to tie the whole thing together with This whole conversation is going east of Java… — a summary that incorporates a play on the movie title Krakatoa, East of Java (more on this below) and a play on the idiom go south ((NOAD) informal, mainly North American fall in value, deteriorate, or fail).

The associations of Krakatoa are those of volcanos in general — eruption, explosion, spewing; great power; noise; fire; flows (of magma); death and destruction — clouds (of ash and debris); unpredictability — with, for Krakatoa specifically, a spectacular eruption, incredible power, a gigantic noise (literally, heard round the world), and enormous clouds (darkening the skies all over the globe and affecting the world’s weather for years). Only a couple of these associations — spectacular eruption and great power — can be easily exploited to sell underwear, and Krakatoa the underwear company works these to the fullest.

Krakatoa’s audience and how it proposes to reach it. Most of the underwear that comes by on this blog is transparently homowear, with a primary audience of gay men. I have, however, posted some on what you might call machowear, specifically communicating toughness, and also sold primarily to gay men. And in passing on the neutral family-guy underwear of mass-market Y-front white briefs and plain boxer shorts. Even, in my 9/5 posting “Masculinity messaging from Sweden”, on men’s high-end premium underwear that is explicitly and conspicuously framed like the mass-market stuff:

The [Ron Dorff] company’s main product line for men is sportswear that is absolutely, solidly masculine, but in remarkably unobtrusive, understated ways; the company offers masterpieces of conspicuous unconspicuousness. Apparently designed to offer no flash of peacock self-display — nothing macho — and no erotic appeal whatsoever.

Krakatoa sells what you might call guywear, for straight men with some swagger, men who want to feel powerful, also men who hate to buy underwear, can’t be bothered with fussy stuff like that. For such men, the company proposes to harness the symbolic values of the volcano — the eruption and the power and even the noise. From the “What’s Krakatoa?” page of the company’s website:

In 1883, volcano Krakatoa in Indonesia erupted with absolute power, pulverizing 6 cubic miles of island into the atmosphere and changing the weather patterns around the globe for almost a decade. It’s considered the most powerful blast ever heard by mankind and the biggest eruption ever recorded.

While its shockwave circled Earth 3 times and the 200 Megaton explosion created 100-foot-high waves with devastating consequences, the dust from Krakatoa’s eruption had a beautiful side-effect: It created incredible sunsets for years around the planet.

We built Krakatoa because we believe power and beauty can be translated into sensible personal garments that are powerful in their execution and beautiful in their craftsmanship.

We also think eruptions and loud noises are a typical guy thing and a perfect name for the most important garment in a man’s wardrobe.

… The Krakatoa Anti-Gravity Briefs – Vesuvius Collection combines the most modern technical fabric with a full front pouch for a comfort-focused connection between materials and fit.

Designed with your life’s activities in mind, it delivers softness and support from the first wear, so you can power through your day fearlessly with a piece of art in your pants.

… personal garments that are powerful in their execution … you can power through your day fearlessly …[and, yes] eruptions and loud noises are a typical guy thing …

So you, typical guy, can be free to erupt and make loud noises in, and through, your Krakatoa underwear. With a song in your heart and a piece of art in your pants. Let’s hear a cheer for Krakatoa!

A bit more on the volcano. From Wikipedia:

(#5) Indonesia as a whole; within it, the Sunda Strait and the island of Krakatau

Krakatoa [also transcribed Krakatau] is a caldera in the Sunda Strait between the islands of Java and Sumatra in the Indonesian province of Lampung. The caldera is part of a volcanic island group (Krakatoa Archipelago) comprising four islands: two of which, Lang and Verlaten, are remnants of a previous volcanic edifice destroyed in eruptions long before the famous 1883 eruption; another, Rakata, is the remnant of a much larger island destroyed in the 1883 eruption.

In 1927, a fourth island, Anak Krakatau, or “Child of Krakatoa”, emerged from the caldera formed in 1883. There has been new eruptive activity since the late 20th century, with a large collapse causing a deadly tsunami in December 2018.

… The most notable eruptions of Krakatoa culminated in a series of massive explosions over 26–27 August 1883, which were among the most violent volcanic events in recorded history.

(#6) Cover of Simon Winchester’s 2005 book

… The 1883 eruption ejected approximately 25 km3 (6 cubic miles) of rock. The cataclysmic explosion was heard 3,600 km (2,200 mi) away in Alice Springs, Australia, and on the island of Rodrigues near Mauritius, 4,780 km (2,970 mi) to the west.

According to the official records of the Dutch East Indies colony, 165 villages and towns were destroyed near Krakatoa, and 132 were seriously damaged. At least 36,417 people died, and many more thousands were injured, mostly from the tsunamis that followed the explosion. The eruption destroyed two-thirds of the island of Krakatoa

And the 1968 movie, from Wikipedia:

Krakatoa, East of Java is a 1968 American disaster film starring Maximilian Schell and Brian Keith. During the 1970s, the film was re-released under the title Volcano.

The story is loosely based on events surrounding the 1883 eruption of the volcano on the island of Krakatoa, with the characters engaged in the recovery of a cargo of pearls from a shipwreck perilously close to the volcano.

… Famously, the movie’s title is inaccurate: Krakatoa actually is west of Java, but the movie’s producers thought that “East” was a more atmospheric word, as Krakatoa is located in the Far East. [note: words chosen for their associations, rather than for accuracy]

Using the name Krakatoa. And now, for a while, we leave the world of Krakatoa the volcano and Krakatoa the underwear, to look at a broad sampling of other applications of the name (no doubt there are many more).

Hot sauce. From a HotSauce.com site review of CaJohns Fiery Foods Co.’s Krakatoa! Pure Red Savina Mash Hot Sauce:

(#7)

… be warned – it can cause an eruption of fire and flavor to rival the obliteration of Krakatoa, an Indonesian island, in 1883. From Ohio. Red Savina [a variety of hot pepper], Habanero chiles, and vinegar.

An Indonesian restaurant. Named after one of the country’s most famous features: the Krakatoa Indonesian Restaurant in Hollywood FL (in Broward County, between Miami and Fort Lauderdale):

(#8)

A bike servicing shop. Maybe an allusion to the power of racing bikes and mountain bikes.

(#9)

[ad for:] Krakatoa Bikes [in Fairfax CA (in Marin County, home of the Marin Museum of Bicycling)] was founded in 2008 by Olympian Athlete Miguel Figueroa. Whether you’re an occasional rider or a serious pro, our store brings you the collections, the knowledge, and the passion you need for your next adventure. We service all kinds of bikes from Road Bikes to Ebikes. Suspension Services on Fox, Marzocchi, Rock Shox and more. Mountain Bike specialists since 2008. Call us today to schedule your next service.

A live music bar in Aberdeen (Scotland). Maybe because the music is hot and the bar itself is steamy. A Tripadvisor review says it’s the original live music bar in Aberdeen.

A game. Probably because of the danger of death as you flee. According to the Steam site on the game:

Krakatoa is a single player Action-Adventure/Survival Horror game. Attempt to escape Siren Head by surviving its onslaught of attacks. Integrated with 3D audio you’ll need to listen closely, act quickly and be aware of your surroundings to stay alive.

Notes on coming in your pants. Postponed from the beginning of this posting. From GDoS:

verb-1 come: (abbr. [Standard English] come to a climax) to achieve orgasm; of a man, to ejaculate [1st cite 1599 Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing] [then variants in which this verb is reanalyzed as a denominal, derived from come ‘semen’: cum, jizz, cream]

come in one’s pants to behave in an exggerated, over-excited manner; the image is of extreme premature ejaculation [this is the figurative phrase; lovely cite: They had a choco-sprinkle-cream made you come in your pants.]

And then there’s the literal phrase, with head verb come ‘ejaculate’. The literal phrase is consistent with spontaneous ejaculation (in sleep, by hair-trigger response to a sexual stimulus, or by premature ejaculation during sex play); and with masturbatory ejaculation (masturbation either of oneself or by someone else). It’s also consistent with ejaculation in one’s (under)pants alone — as in a common variant of masturbation — or with ejaculation in one’s  trousers or jeans, usually (but not necessarily) through underpants.

On the health question: from the Young Men’s Health site, “Is it safe to ejaculate in my underwear?” on 5/17/19:

Thank you for your question. Many guys wonder about this, so you are not alone. The good news is there are no health risks to ejaculating in your underwear. The downside is your underwear will feel wet for a while, and then it will likely feel a bit stiff (like a starched shirt) when it dries. The stain and stiffness comes out when you wash them. Many guys find it easier and more comfortable to use a towel when they masturbate but ejaculating in your underwear is fine too.​

So: masturbate away, happily — but in private, of course. Masturbating publicly, even surreptitiously in your pants, is creepy, and against the law as well.

Note: strippers who see themselves as performers rather than sex workers warn their customers sternly against coming in their pants: facilitating ejaculation isn’t something they have on offer, and if they’re giving you a lap dance, it’s messy for them as well as you — but they’re wearing a costume that they need to protect, and they’re going on to other customers after you. In any case, you’ll probably get barred from the strip joint for life.

Finally, the lame Come-In-Pants Joke, which can be found in a number of variants. Two of them:

The annual Premature Ejaculation Society dinner will be held on Friday night. No dress code – just come in your pants!

When you don’t know what to wear to the premature ejaculation symposium, so you just come in your pants.

Notes on fleeing from a volcano. Here we shift from Krakatoa in the year 1883 — fleeing is hopeless — to Vesuvius in the year 79, where quick thinking could get you out of Pompeii or Herculaneum. From a Wired Classic (a republication of an earlier story, from September 2020), “How to Escape From an Erupting Volcano: If you had been in Pompeii in 79 AD, you might have tried to hunker down or escape by sea. This would be a mistake. But there is a way to safety.” by Cody Cassidy (a piece in which we get to see uses of the verb vitrify and the noun vitrification — not things that happen very often):

Let’s say you were visiting the Roman town of Pompeii on the morning of August 24, 79 AD. And let’s say you arrived sometime between the hours of 9 and 10 am. That should give you enough time to explore the port town and maybe even grab a loaf of bread at the local bakery … But it would also put you in Pompeii in time to experience a 5.9 magnitude earthquake, the first of many, and watch the black cloud rise from Mount Vesuvius as the mountain began to erupt 1.5 million tons of molten rock per second and release 100,000 times the thermal energy of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima. All while you were standing a mere 6 miles away.

Your situation would seem challenging – but, surprisingly, not hopeless! When I emailed Pier Paolo Petrone, a forensic anthropologist at the University of Naples Federico II, asking if any Pompeiians survived the eruption, he wrote back to say that many did. “But likely only those who took immediate action.”

Unfortunately, instead of immediately evacuating, some Pompeiians took shelter from the falling ash. This may seem prudent, but it is a mistake. Buy that bread. And get it to go.

… Depending on its composition, lava ranges from 10,000 to 100 million times as viscous as water. This means even the runniest molten rock has the viscosity of room temperature honey. Unless you’re on a very steep slope, you can generally outrun it. Stationary objects like houses can be flattened by these fiery rivers, but “usually people can move out of the way,” says Stephen Self, a volcanologist at UC Berkeley.

Instead, it’s the magma beneath the mountain, and its precise composition, that should deeply concern you.

… When I asked Petrone where the survivors of Pompeii went, he wrote that there’s evidence of successful escapes to both the north and south. However, he suggests you run north toward Naples – and toward the eruption. He says the road between Pompeii and Naples was well maintained, and the written records of those who survived suggest that most of the successful escapees went north – while most of the bodies of the attempted escapees (who admittedly left far too late) have been found to the south.

But if you do run north, you’ll need to move quickly, because you’ll pass through the small Roman resort town of Herculaneum on your way to Naples – and Herculaneum is hit by the first pyroclastic flow.

Herculaneum sits barely 4 miles east of the volcanic vent, but for the first few hours of the eruption the prevailing winds largely spare it from most of the ash and pumice. Unfortunately, when Vesuvius first taps into the deeper magma and develops its first pyroclastic flow, the heated gas and ash will move directly into Herculaneum and kill everyone almost instantly.

Archeologists have found scorch marks in [Herculaneum] that suggest the cloud may have been as hot as 930 degrees Fahrenheit, and because its victims were encased in negative spaces of ash, archeologists can see their final, frozen poses. These poses show almost no signs of the boxer-like defensive stance typically taken in extreme heat, which suggests to Petrone that the victims in Herculaneum may have been killed so quickly that they did not even consciously register discomfort. Petrone even found a glassy piece of brain-matter in the skull of one Herculaneum victim, suggesting the cloud heated this person’s brain so quickly it vitrified. Nevertheless, you can avoid vitrification if you follow these instructions carefully.

(In the world of turning into glass or a glass-like substance, there’s both an intransitive verb vitrify, inchoative in meaning, as in When the wave of superheated air reached Cicero, his brain vitrified instantly; and a transitive verb vitrify, causative in meaning, as in When the wave of superheated air reached Cicero, it vitrified his brain.)

This entry was posted on September 20, 2021 at 3:23 pm and is filed under Idioms, Jokes, Language and food, Language in advertising, Language of sex, Language play, Movies and tv, Signs and symbols, Underwear. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.