A fellatio-adjacent pitch for The Wiener the World Awaited

(This posting will quickly move to men’s genitals and various sexual acts, described in street language, so it’s not appropriate for kids or the sexually modest)

Passed along today on Facebook by Michael Palmer, this wonderfully fellatio-adjacent pitch (dating from, I would guess, the 1950s) from Kahn’s, with the slogan “The wiener the world awaited”:

(#1) “They’re all fine meat, through and through”; in case you missed earlier postings about my life, I note here that I’m an enthusiastic appreciator of cocks (they’re all wonderful, each in its own way) — an avowed phallophile faggot — and of cock-sucking, delighted to service a man’s meat with my mouth (now only in daily fantasy, but still powerfully keen on giving blow jobs — and getting them, but Kahn’s is offering symbolic dick, not symbolic mouth, so that’s not what’s up for discussion)

Kahn’s was famous for their baseball card ads from 1955 to 1969; the company still flourishes.

“The Wiener the World Awaited” was a trademark owned by E. Kahn’s Sons Co. (filed in 1957 and apparently abandoned), but the slogan seems to have originated with Oscar Mayer, as in this ad from 1948:

(#2) Yes, a wiener torpedo; what could they have been thinking of?

Phallicity.  Wieners / franks / hot dogs as phallic symbols are a perennial theme on this blog; links to these postings are collected on my Page on Phallicity: the wurst.

Phallology. Phallology, not philology. The scientific study of penises. It’s an actual thing. There’s even a museum (which I’ve posted about on this blog), the Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik. From this museum:

(#3) Preserved samples of penises from a large variety of creatures, with information about these creatures and their male organs

And then there’s Alie Ward and her Ologies podcast. About Ward, from her site:

Alie Ward is a Daytime Emmy Award-winning science correspondent for CBS’s “The Henry Ford’s Innovation Nation with Mo Rocca,” and host of “Did I Mention Invention?” on the CW.

She hosts Ologies, a comedic science show named one of Time Magazine’s top 50 podcasts.

And then the teaser for her phallology episode of 6/4/21 with Dr. Emily Willingham:

Dongs. Schlongs. Peters. Intromittent organs. Gamete cannons. Biologist, gonad researcher and Phallologist Dr. Emily Willingham joins to chat about peckers big and small, plain and fancy, barbed, coiled, colossal, pickled, and efficient. Also on the agenda: how the pressures of masculinity affect self-image, what actually contributes to a partner’s pleasure, what can cause willies to go wonky (and how to get back on track,) life beyond the binary and sensual turtles. Stick around to the end for friendly fellatio advice from penis-owners; boy howdy it’s a hard episode to pass up.

Well, funny, but full of actual information.

From Wikipedia:

Emily Jane Willingham (born 1968) is a US journalist and scientist. Her writing focuses on neuroscience, genetics, psychology, health and medicine, and occasionally on evolution and ecology

She is the joint recipient with David Robert Grimes of the 2014 John Maddox Prize, awarded by science charity Sense about Science, for standing up for science in the face of personal attacks.

But back to queer boys and our preoccupation with cocks (which is, admittedly, kind of goofy). A summary from a gay friend (sorry, I can’t remember which one, or in what context he said this) responding to derision about our fixation with cocks:

Hey, we’re fags; we’re in it for the dick.

And so we are.  I’ve written on this blog that any reference to penises (even badly done porn photos) will set my own dick to twitching. This is harmless, short-lived, and invisible to the world, so I don’t fret about it. Meanwhile, I literally dream about sucking cock, getting my cock sucked or jacked off, jacking guys off, getting fucked, occasionally fucking a sweet guy who needs a hard dick up his ass more than I do — all dick-focused activities that once brought me great pleasure physically and psychologically. Things worth celebrating.


One Response to “A fellatio-adjacent pitch for The Wiener the World Awaited”

  1. Robert Coren Says:

    I’ve been to that museum in Reykjavik. It’s quite educational, and also a real hoot.

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