The first two days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, in a Wayno/Piraro Bizarro, Jesus seeks therapy for a life that has gotten out of his control. On the second day of Christmas, St. Stephen’s Day, Daily Jocks enlists a hugely overstuffed musclehunk to memorialize St. Stephen of the Sacred Box.

(Note: a certain amount of male flesh, crude wordplay on package and box, and lots of sacrilege. Use your judgment.)

The Bizarro.


(#1) Jesus in an instance of the Psychiatrist cartoon meme (If you’re puzzled by the odd symbols in the cartoon — Dan Piraro says there are 4 in this strip — see this Page)

Upstaged by Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. And, meanwhile, transformed by the writings of others into a different sort of fictional character, one with a written life story related in some very complex way to the life of a historical person. (Compare, say, the fictional title character in Shakespeare’s play Macbeth (first published in 1623), a creation based on a fictionalized account in Holinshed’s Chronicles (1577) of the life of the actual Macbeth, King of Scotland from 1040 to 1057).

For me, a reference to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny evokes a conference paper Ellen Prince gave many years ago, a stunning, important paper on the referential statuses of NPs in discourse. Partway through the question period, someone (inevitably, I suppose) asked about fictitious characters. “Oh,” Ellen said, with a small confident smile, “Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are in footnote 37” (well, some high number) — and went on to summarize the complex footnote essay briefly and succinctly.

There was laughter, and gasps of delight, and a sense that applause was on the verge of breaking out. (But the time pressure of the question period intervened, and Ellen went on to another question.)

It was just wonderful.

The Daily Jocks ad. And now for something much less elevated. Today from Daily Jocks:


(#2) Ad copy: “BOXING DAY SALE –  20% OFF STOREWIDE! – Shop 600+ products from over 20 brands, in all your favorite styles. From Jockstraps to Wrestling Suits you will be sure to find something you love.”
🤨

The model does seem to be wearing a thong. Otherwise it’s all about his remarkably overdeveloped muscles and his St. Stephen’s Day box.

St. Stephen was stoned to death, on what substance we do not know. He was celebrated for his package — said to be of great size and beauty, also available to all who would use it — and his box as well, ditto.

Previously on this blog:

on 12/29/15 in “boxboys and transitive bottoming”

(#3)

… six naked guys in Santa caps (ohhh, Santa baby!), their genitals covered by the (Christmas) packages and boxes they’re carrying. They’re presented as hot gay men cruising and admiring one another’s endowments — and in the case of one man, Gay 1, reaching into his neighbor’s box to handle its contents.

on 12/30/15, in “Dick in a Box”, on a Saturday Night Live sketch with that title (and theme)

So we get plays on package and box, with double entendres involving figurative package ‘male genitalia, basket’ and box ‘female genitalia, pussy’, also ‘male anus viewed as a sexual organ; male buttocks’. These associations make St. Stephen’s Day — Boxing Day in the UK and other areas in the British culture zone — an easy source of raunchy humor.

Bonus boxes. There is of course the sporting verb box as well as the uses above. This appears to have nothing to do with the container noun box.  From NOAD:

verb box-2: [no object] fight an opponent using one’s fists; compete in the sport of boxing: he boxed for England | [with object]:  he had to box Bennett for the title. noun box: [in singular] a slap with the hand on the side of a person’s head given as a punishment or in anger: she gave him a box on the ear. ORIGIN late Middle English (in the general sense ‘a blow’): of unknown origin.

The obscure origin of the verb has left room for playful speculation, as in the Bizarro cartoon in my 3/23/11 posting “Cartoon etymology”

(#4)

In any case, from this verb, we get the nouns boxing (referring to the sport) and boxer (referring to a competitor in the sport). So the way is open for jokes about boxing on Boxing Day.

Then there’s the clothing appropriate for boxers engaged in boxing. From NOAD:

pl. noun boxer shorts (also boxers): men’s loose underpants similar in shape to the shorts worn by boxers.

Also, because wrestling and boxing are (sweaty) contact sports done by muscular men in minimal clothing, the sports have high homoerotic potential; there are, in fact, extensive genres of gay porn videos with these sports as themes, and their characteristic clothing items — wrestling singlets and boxing shorts — pick up considerable homoerotic punch on their own as a result. The porn and the boxing shorts together in this vibrantly gold cover for a 1995 video Boxer Shorts (originally from All Worlds Video):

(#5)

Meanwhile, plenty of premium men’s underwear companies sell excellent athletic shorts of the boxer type, and of course boxer shorts, and boxer briefs as well, and the models are often posed in boxing gyms, for high-masculine authenticity. But one company, Pump!, is particularly devoted to presenting its package-displaying boxer briefs in boxing-gym setttings. Two examples from earlier postings on this blog:

from 11/9/15 in “Pump boys and Trojans”, several Pump! models as boxers, including:

(#6)

— and from 3/17/16 in “Boxing”, the Pump! Cruise Boxer, with a model posing as a boxer:

(#7)

Packages for Boxing Day.

One Response to “The first two days of Christmas”

  1. Robert Coren Says:

    One more bonus box: There’s a move in contra (and related) dancing called box the gnat, whereby two people exchange places by taking right hands and twirling one under the other’s raised arm. To the best of my knowledge, nobody knows where the name comes from.

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