Odds and ends: portmanteaus to penises

An accumulation of miscellanea: portmanteaus, porn flick and pornstar names, (in the continuing Remarkable Underwear series) black lace skivvies, and (in the continuing News for Penises series), the smallest penis in Brooklyn.

Portmanteaus. From Victor Steinbok, malternative from the Beer Advocate site, grillebrate from Dietz & Watson ads.

Victor writes that the first refers to

non-beer products that either qualify as “malt beverages” or are similarly spiked to serve as beer substitutes (e.g., Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice)

Beer Advocate posting “Reinvasion of the Malternatives” (2/13/02) here.

That’s malt + alternative; grillebrate is grill + celebrate — celebrate (summer) by grilling franks and sausages from Dietz & Watson, purveyors of “Premium Meats and Artisan Cheeses”. One promotion here, with grillebration as well as grillebrate.

Naming in porn. Name that porn flick, name that pornstar.

Enthusiastic ad copy:

Lucas Entertainment’s latest import from Great Britain, “Bangers and Ass,” features one of the sexiest international casts yet!

Yes, Bangers and Ass (a play on the name of the British dish bangers and mash ‘mashed potatoes and sausages’), in which guys use their sausages to bang ass.

From scene 3, a cropped photo of Tony Rivera banging Paul Walker:

  (#1)

On the pornstar front, recent finds include a guy with the porn name Jack or Jake Manhole (yes, he’s a bottom). Then I’ve posted on AZBlogX — warning: nudity and man-man sex — about the nicely named Jason Adonis and Race Cooper (Cooper is black). I don’t know if Adonis has been paired with Dionisio Heiderscheid, who makes gay videos under the name Dionisio or (most often) D.O.

Black lace skivvies. From Undergear, an offering of the Extreme line of lace underwear for men. Viewable in “Hot in black lace” on AZBlogX here, along with a couple photos of underwear model James Guardino. Only one of these images skirts the X line, but I put them on my X blog because there’s not much of linguistic interest (though the ad copy is entertaining).

The smallest penis in Brooklyn. Well, the smallest one on a guy who was willing to enter a contest for the title. From Betsy Herrington, a story (by Victor Jeffries II, from today) about the event:

  (#2)

NSFW: The Delivery Man Has the Smallest Penis In Brooklyn

Saturday afternoon, King County Bar in Brooklyn hosted the first annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant. Six contestants, only five of which made it to the final round (contestant number 6, a tourist from France, got debilitatingly inebriated with his wife and had to bow out), participated in 3 rounds of intense competition for the prized designation and $200.

… The contestants — Perry Winkle, Sugar Daddy, Rip van Dinkle, Quinette (our French friend), The Delivery Man, and Flo Rider — opened the competition with the evening wear round. Our humble competitors donned satin baby socks sewn to thongs, adorned with bow ties and buttons, and sauntered up and down the bar in front of a crowd of over 100 incredibly supportive audience members.

Round two, the talent round, brought out dance numbers, hand made farting sounds, and jokes. The third and final round featured swimwear—tulle sewn to a an elastic band.

There was confirmation by tape measure.

The story has lots of (not veery good) pictures. But it looks like the contestants, and especially the winner, were in the micropenis range. From Wikipedia:

Micropenis is an unusually small penis. A common criterion is a dorsal (measured on top) erect penile length of at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean human penis size, or smaller than about 7cm (3 inches) for an adult when compared to an average erection of 12.5cm (5 inches)… The term is most often used medically when the rest of the penis, scrotum, and perineum are without ambiguity… Micropenis occurs in about 0.6% of males.

Note that micropenis is used in the entry as the name of a condition (like cleft palate) and so lacks an article. The variant He has micropenis appears to be the most common usage on the net, but He has a micropenis occurs as well.

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