(Firmly located in men’s crotches and inclined to silliness, though without the bodyparts illustrated and without the street talk — so clearly not to everyone’s taste)
From WOIO tv channel 19 in Shaker Heights OH (serving the Cleveland area as a CBS affiliate — covering news, weather, sports, and a ton of racy / raunchy content): a report on a guy whose impressive genital package turned out to be a huge stash of narcotics, inspiring me to some musical silliness on Facebook.
The channel 19 story. From Cleveland 19 News: “Westlake Police find cocaine, heroin, fentanyl in man’s underwear” by Madeline Harden on 2/27/26:
The stashWESTLAKE, Ohio (WOIO) – The Westlake Police arrested a Cleveland man in his 30s for having a gun and later found “a sizeable amount of narcotics in his underwear,” officers reported.
On Feb. 9, at around 3:15 p.m., an officer stopped a car on Detroit Road at Dover Center for an equipment violation, according to a release.
Police said neither the driver nor the passenger had a valid driver’s license.
The driver, a Cleveland man in his 30s, was arrested after officers found a loaded handgun under the driver’s seat.
Officers said he was prohibited from possessing a gun due to prior felony convictions for drug possession and weapons offenses.
While he was being booked, officers found that the man was hiding a large amount of narcotics in his underwear, according to a release.
The man had cocaine, heroin and a total of 32 fentanyl pills hidden in his pants, according to police analysis.
He was charged with felony possession of a firearm while under disability, possession of drugs and driving while under a license suspension.
My FB response.
— AZ: “Narcotics in his underwear” — there’s a song in there — “Cocaine skivvies blues”, “Heroin runnin’ ’round my trunks”, “Fentanyl skidmarks in his shorts”
All we need now is a tune and some lyrics. For these we could borrow an existing song and twist it to our underwear narcotics purposes. We could, for instance, exploit Dillinger’s “Cocaine in My Brain” as “Heroin runnin’ ’round my trunks”.
The Dillinger, from Wikipedia:
“Cocaine in My Brain” (stylized as “Cokane In My Brain”) is a [reggae] song written and performed by the Jamaican musician Dillinger. It was released as a single from his second studio album CB 200 in 1976 by Island Records
You can watch the Dillinger video here.
Dillinger says: “No matter where I treat my guests, they always like my kitchen best.” Which goes into the crotch as: “No matter where I treat my guests, they always like my Calvins best.”
And the chorus —
Man, oh man, I’ve gotta be on the run
Because I’ve got to meet the setting sun
I’ve got a whole, a whole lot of cocaine
Just running around my brain, I’ve got cocaine
— goes right to the groin as
Man, oh man, I’ve gotta be on the run
Because I’ve got to meet the setting sun
I’ve got a whole, a whole lot of heroin
Just running around my trunks, I’ve got heroin
Man’s got heroin in his trunks, he hangs hard, he’s a hero.
Acknowledgment. This all started as a FB posting from channel 19, which elicited a lot of snarky comments from others, including mine. Later, when I wanted to retrieve what I’d written, I found that comments aren’t included in FB’s activity logs. I appealed to other FB folks for help, and eventually, by some internet magic, Aric Olnes tracked it all down, thus making this posting possible.
So: orchids to Aric, in the knowledge that that orchids are so-called ultimately through a connection to Greek orkhis, literally ‘testicle’ (with reference to the shape of its tuber). Flowers that take us back into men’s underwear, where the Cleveland guy’s drugs hung out.
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