Amado Spears and his husband, fulfilled by Peter

(Queer linguistic playfulness, but with plain talk about men’s bodies and mansex, so probably not suitable for kids or the sexually modest.)

From the latest avalanche of comments spam on my blog this morning (thousands a day at the moment, traceable to Russia, though knowing a bit about the source is not at all useful), what happens when programs randomly paste together personal names, family names, and small chunks of text all assembled from truly gigantic databases: sometimes you get goofy gay porn scenarios.

So it was that my morning was improved by the appearance in this gigantic spam queue of the obviously massively queer Amado Spears, the bearer of a wonderfully two-barreled porn name, with the following eccentric message from him about his racy adventures with his husband and a phallic friend:

My husband and i have been absolutely fulfilled when Peter managed to finish up his investigations from the precious recommendations he had from your own weblog.

Yes, the text is not especially coherent as a whole, but each phrase on its own is ok. You can wrench a tale from its wanderings, but that’s mostly a tribute to the powerful human drive to make sense of things, in combination with an equally powerful inclination to attribute cooperative communicative intentions to the sources of speech and writing. We seek meaningful patterns in the world, and we think the best of others.

Unfortunately, sometimes these expectations are foolish.

But then we get found poetry — a Coney Island posting to come — and found mantras (see my 11/27/19 posting “At the onomatomania dinette”) and other fortuitous genres (not to mention Jesus in a piece of toast and other instances of pareidolia — see my 12/23/19 posting “Pareidolia, they control ya”). Including found porn, as here.

The names. In particular, the name Amador Spears. Plus of course Peter, whose name is sometimes good for a quick snicker. Thanks to the imperfect coherence of the text, it’s not clear whether Peter is (as I assumed above) a buddy of Amador and his husband’s or actually Amador’s husband, but I’ll let that pass.

The phallic slang term peter is quite mild, more like kid slang than real street talk (like the canonical dick and cock).

Spears. And though the spear is certainly a visual phallic symbol, indeed a powerful one, the noun spear hasn’t been conventionalized as a slang term for the penis, though of course spears are always available as the basis for fresh metaphorical images (overwrought porn: “I offered my body to him, and he plunged his throbbing spear into me, as I moaned with ungovernable pleasure”)

But it is a powerful phallic symbol, and so Spears the family name is available as a porn name. In my 2005 handout on “How to name a pornstar”, it turns up in the subtype

(j) tough, aggressive, insertive names (FN Butch; LNs Brawn/Braun, Lightning, Spears, Stryker, Mallett, Panther, Saber; versatile Wolf/Wolfe/Wolff, HunterHunter Scott and 22 guys with LN Hunter, from Adam to Zack – and Cougar, both Cougar Cash and Nick Cougar)

It’s a reasonably common name of English and Scots origin — consider pop singer Britney Spears, comic book author Rick Spears, and linguist Arthur Spears — and also a well-known gay pornstar name, thanks to Zak Spears.

From Wikipedia:

(#1) The bulkier Spears at the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco

Zak Spears, (born January 15, 1965 [note: he is now 55, and he still looks pretty much like this; this might not be your taste in male bodies, but it’s undeniably an accomplishment]) is an American gay pornographic film actor. Spears appeared in the feature film The Doom Generation (1995) using his real name, Khristofor Rossianov. He also appeared in the black comedy feature film Forgiving the Franklins (2006) under the name Khris Scaramanga. Initially retiring from the industry in 1996, he made a return in 2004, sporting a dramatic image change which included a shaved head and a much bulkier build. [And he’s tall as well as bulky: 6 ft 2 in.]

Spears made a huge splash in gay porn from 1993 through 1996. (His impressive public displays of mansexuality and his equally impressive physique are his responses to a long period of merciless harassment after he came out as gay in middle school — his counterhomophobic revenge career, so to speak. He found a place in the world of gay porn and made it his own.)

Amado. A Spanish and Portuguese masculine personal name Amado < Latin amatus ‘beloved (by God)’; also used as a family name. Though the original use was specifically ‘beloved by God’, it naturally takes on affectionate and sexual connotations in the appropriate context.

Among the many everyday FN Amados: a villain and a muscular jock.

From Wikipedia, the villain (not illustrated here):

Amado Carrillo Fuentes (December 17, 1956 – July 4, 1997) was a Mexican drug lord who seized control of the Juárez Cartel after assassinating his boss Rafael Aguilar Guajardo. Amado Carrillo became known as “El Señor de Los Cielos” (“The Lord of the Skies”), because of the large fleet of jets he used to transport drugs. He was also known for laundering money via Colombia, to finance this fleet.

He died in July 1997, in a Mexican hospital, after undergoing extensive plastic surgery to change his appearance.

And from his own website, Amado Vrieswijk (born 1/23/96), a Dutch professional windsurfer living in Bonaire, in this photo:

(#2) Amado V., admirably hunky, but not a pornstar

And one everyday LN Amado: José Amado, a minor league baseball player (born 7/2/75 in Venezuela), from the Baseball Reference site:

(#3) José Amado’s 1998 baseball card

And then into the bedroom with young men who have adopted Amado as their pornnames, for its sexy connotations. One each FN and LN.

From the LatinBoyz site (“100% exclusive naked Latino amateurs”), an Amado advertised as a hot gay Mexican thug with cholo tattoos and a big uncut cock:

(#3) Amado grabbing his dick to advertise his videos

And then from the “Tony Amado Busts A Nut” video for sale on the site:

(#4) “Tony Amado is a sexy 19 year old Latin-Italian football player. We were really happy that he decided to show up and jerk off for everyone in this hot vid.” [He has a cut cock, advertised as 9 inches, also satisfyingly thick; in the still above, he is ferociously attentive on stroking off his hard dick (not shown in this photo).]

Amado, Amado, they love you!

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