Epiphany morning with Joey Tribbiani

Since my middle name is Melchior, I was hoping for gold on Epiphany morning, but what I got was a primo sex dream — my attempts at programming sex dreams never work, they always turn into convoluted dreams about linguistic analyses, so yesterday’s dream was a great gift — featuring Joey Tribbiani as a fabulously slutty (also sweet and goofy) gay pornstar. Not Matt LeBlanc, but his character Joey Tribbiani. So I woke with a hunky funny Joey on my, um, mind.

(#1) Joey practices making love with a pineapple (video here)

That’s Matt LeBlanc playing Joey. My dream had Joey playing a stud named Rocco. In a threesome with me and my boyfriend, whose dream name I don’t remember, but he was played by my guy Jacques. Together, between nearly non-stop bouts of noisy public sex, we saved all the gay pornstars of the world from annihilation by an evil army. With the help of a lot of undercover agents, most of them women. But the three of us studs had the big weapons.

It was all deeply satisfying, with victories in battle and ragingly hot sex. Also a lot of fun, with horseplay and banter, and (thankfully) without the Friends laugh track. Also without the Epiphany gold befitting the white-bearded King of Persia, but then you can’t have everything.

(#2) Melchior, on the left, and his crew (from Henry Siddons Mowbray, The Magi, ca. 1915)

(#3) Joey, on the right, with his crew, Ross and Chandler

On the tv show, from Wikipedia:

Friends (stylized as F•R•I•E•N•D•S) is an American television sitcom, created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, which aired on NBC from September 22, 1994, to May 6, 2004, lasting ten seasons. With an ensemble cast starring Jennifer Aniston [Rachel], Courteney Cox [Monica], Lisa Kudrow [Phoebe], Matt LeBlanc [Joey], Matthew Perry [Chandler] and David Schwimmer [Ross], the show revolves around six 20–30-something friends living in Manhattan.

On Joey Tribbiani:

Joseph Francis “Joey” Tribbiani, Jr. is a fictional character from the NBC sitcoms Friends and its spin-off Joey, portrayed by Matt LeBlanc. An Italian-American struggling actor, he lives in New York City with his roommate and best friend, Chandler Bing, and hangs out in a tight-knit group of friends – Chandler Bing, Ross Geller, Monica Geller-Bing, Rachel Green and Phoebe Buffay.

Joey was presumably born in 1968 as he talks about being 13 in 1981. He comes from an Italian American family of eight children. His father Joseph Tribbiani, Sr. (Robert Costanzo), is a pipefitter and his mother’s name is Gloria (Brenda Vaccaro). Joey has seven sisters: Mary Therese (Mimi Lieber) aka Mary Teresa Christina Ricci, Mary Angela (Holly Gagnier), Dina (Marla Sokoloff), Gina (Drea de Matteo), Tina (Lisa Maris), Veronica (Dena Miceli), and Cookie (Alex Meneses). Joey is from Queens, New York and is Catholic. As a child, he was extremely accident prone. He also had an imaginary friend, Maurice, who was a space cowboy.

Joey is portrayed as promiscuous, and dim-witted, but good-natured, as well as very loyal, caring, and protective of his friends. He’s a food-loving womanizer who has had more luck with dates than any of the other group members. In contrast to his “ladies man” personality, he has also a marked childish side. He enjoys playing video games and foosball. He loves sandwiches and pizza. He is a big fan of Baywatch. As a struggling actor, he is constantly looking for work. He was ordained as a minister in “The One with the Truth About London”, and officiated at both Monica and Chandler and Phoebe and Mike’s weddings. He does not like sharing food and has difficulty with simple mathematics. In sports, Joey likes the Los Angeles Dodgers and the New York Yankees in baseball, Los Angeles Clippers and New York Knicks in basketball, New York Giants and New York Jets in football, and the Detroit Red Wings and New York Rangers in ice hockey.

Joey is on the beefy side and likes to show off his body, mostly in muscle shirts, but not infrequently shirtless:


There’s a fairly extensive genre of photoshopped Joey porn images, but none that I’ve seen of any quality — certainly, none even approaching the dream stud hustler Rocco. And there’s substantial fan fic and art about Joendler as a bromantic couple.

(#5) A moment of Joendleresque affection

Joendler together in my favorite moment from the show, “Self Cleaning Soap”, about Joey and Chandler using each other’s personal possessions (you can watch it here):

Chandler: Soap is soap. It’s self-cleaning.
Joey: Well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.

Before Rocco there was Joey, and before Joey there was Matt LeBlanc:

Matthew Steven LeBlanc (born July 25, 1967) is an American actor, television host, and producer. He studied in Newton North High School (Massachusetts). He attracted international recognition and acclaim for his portrayal of Joey Tribbiani on the popular NBC sitcom Friends, which ran from 1994 to 2004; for his work on Friends, LeBlanc received three Emmy Award nominations.

The actor has matured into a fine silver fox:

(#6) Silver scruff hunk Matt

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