Body works

(Frank talk about the male body, but no sex in this particular posting. Use your judgment.)

Four body items that have come my way recently: bouncing penises and testicles (and other intimate views of the body) in a new computer game; mussels as vaginal symbols; axillary delights; and anal art.

This is Part I: Dangly Bits.

(Hat tip to Kim Darnell.)

Not the danglers of dangling modifiers, though that’s a topic close to my heart (revisited just yesterday), but another set of danglers that I fancy.

From the PC Gamer site on January 31st, “Conan Exiles has an ‘endowment’ slider and genital physics” by Christopher Livingston:

Note: this [PC Gamer] post contains several animated gifs of dongs and testicles from Conan Exiles [set in the world of Conan the Barbarian], and those dongs and testicles are bouncing around all over the place, and changing sizes. There’s some pretty extreme taint and buttcrack on display as well. Okay? Okay.

We got an early look today at Conan Exiles, Funcom’s open world survival game, soon to arrive in Early Access. And with Conan comes a delivery of fresh meat. In the character creation menu, players can choose the level of nudity they want: none, partia— downstairs is covered but tops are topless — or full. You’re also treated to an ‘endowment’ slider.

For players who choose a female body, the endowment slider predictably adjusts breast size. For the male body, it adjusts dong size. If you’ve opted for the Full Monty, sliding it back and forth quickly is more than a bit mesmerizing, and I find it nearly impossible to do so without hearing a slide-whistle in my head. [AMZ: Enormously funny.]

Feeling comfortable with the video game nudity you just looked at? Then there’s good news: there’s a lot of it in Conan Exiles. Seeing as how you begin your adventure naked in a desert, you’ll have plenty of time to admire your character’s nude-as-hell bod as you attempt to make your way to safety.

What’s more, Conan Exiles has a ‘Vanity Camera’, toggled by pressing V, which lets you examine your character from all angles. This is about the point in the game where you’ll notice the dong-and-sack physics, provided by the Unreal 4 engine. Have a look. [Serious point here. Achieving realistic package motion in a moving figure is a serious AI challenge, which requires study of the way these things work with real bodies.]

If you’re asking, the answer is yes. Yes, I did very nearly die of dehydration (in the game) while making gifs of my character’s flopping pouch and jiggling wang. I can’t help it! Physics [is]  fun, cocks and balls are utterly ridiculous, and you just don’t see them together in games that often. So I jumped, and squatted, and lurched, and ran, and turned, and hunched, all while taking in the majesty of a physics-enabled package.

The animations are silly, and hypnotic.

The topic of this posting lies somewhere in the intersection of technology, movies, and the comics, with some art (and of course pop culture) thrown in — in the place where animation lives.

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