(On the first of these three days, this posting gets right into details of men’s bodies and sex between men, in very plain language, so it’s out of bounds for kids and the sexually modest.)
In the current world, it’s 1/5/22: it’s Twelfth Night (Epiphany Eve) on the Christian calendar. Celebrated in this cartoon from a Liz Climo series (originally on Tumblr in 2013):
(#1) From Liz Climo’s 12 Days of Christmas, as depicted in exchanges between a bear and a bunny — on Day 1, from Bear: “The partridge flew away, and I ate all of the pears”
But back in the Commercial Christmastide of 2021, from Daily Jocks, it’s Day 4 (12/16, Beethoven Austen Day in the real world; Pure for Men in DJ’s Homoland, which will take us right into the down and dirty of sex between men, behind Pure’s veil of “all-natural cleanliness”), Day 5 (a disappointing 12/17, nothing but DJ gift cards), and Day 6 (12/18, Amplify x Circuit underwear from DJX, finally some male bodies to appreciate!).
Day 4, 12/16. In the real world, this is Beethoven Austen Day: Ludwig van Beethoven, born (apparently) on 12/16 in 1770; and Jane Austen, born on 12/16 in 1785 (it’s also the birthday of a good friend of mine, but he’s somewhat overshadowed by Beethoven and Austen). A strikingly odd couple.
(For double birthdays, it would be hard to beat Lincoln Darwin Day, 2/12 — of 1809 for both of them. Coverage of the occasion in earlier postings on this blog.)
But in the commercial world of Daily Jocks, it was (in effect) Shitfree Fuckhole Day (to put it bluntly), which DJ celebrated euphemistically as Pure Day:
(#2) Slogan time: STAY CLEAN. STAY READY. (conveying: keep your asshole clean, so you’ll always be ready to get fucked) Also the wonderful TAKE IT NOW. TAKE IT LATER. (with its play on three uses of take and three uses of it)
The ambiguity. In TAKE IT NOW. TAKE IT LATER. The it of take it now refers to a (medicine-like) substance, in fact to the supplement in the container pictured in the ad, and the verb is the ‘consume’ take — from NOAD for the verb take:
… 5 consume as food, drink, medicine, or drugs: take an aspirin and lie down.
The it of take it now is an alternative to this — take this now — or to an omitted object understood as referring to the substance in the container pictured: take now (as on the label of a medicine bottle). But of course neither alternative would set up the joke in the ad, which depends on an ambiguity in the interpretation of it.
Now, the second VP, take it later, could in principle just be parallel to the first, conveying something like ‘take it (as medicine) both now and later’ or ‘take it (as medicine) either now or later, whichever suits you’. But then there would be not lot of point in having the expression in an ad for a substance designed to prepare the user for clean anal intercourse (stay clean, stay ready!).
So take it later is to be understood as referring to anal intercourse after using the medication-like supplement — with it referring either to the act of fucking (in which case take means something like ‘experience’ or ‘submit to’) or to the central element in the act of fucking, the penis (in which case take means something like ‘receive into the body (specifically into the anus)’. Or, in brief and crude terms: ‘get fucked’ or ‘take dick (up the ass)’. More of the NOAD entry:
4 … [a] accept or receive (someone or something): she was advised to take any job offered | they don’t take children. … [f] experience or be affected by: the lad took a savage beating. … [l] submit to, tolerate, or endure: they refused to take it any more | some people found her hard to take.
The ‘take dick’ interpretation has sense 4a, while the ‘get fucked’ interpretation has sense 4f or 4l.
So much for the two VPs separately. The whole slogan is paratactic: just the two VPs in sequence, without any overt indication of their semantic relationship. But the pragmatics of the situation points to the content of the second VP as following from the content of the first: very roughly, ‘if you take the supplement in the bottle now, you’ll be clean — free of significant shit in your asshole — for getting fucked later’.
Getting clean down there. From the Medical News Today site on “How to clean up for anal sex” (with a crucial bit bold-faced):
Some people may choose to clean their anus in the shower immediately before anal sex. They may also consider wiping the rectum with wet wipes to ensure there is no stray fecal matter.
A high-fiber diet can help keep stools firm and regular. This helps keep the anus clean and reduces the risk of an encounter with poop during anal sex.
In most instances, this should be all that a person needs to do.
Douching. However, some people may also consider anal douching. This involves inserting water into the rectum and anus to clean them, which can help anal sex feel more comfortable.
Not everyone agrees that douching is a good idea because it can damage the lining of the rectum, cause bowel movement issues, and increase infection risk.
Although douching does reduce the risk of encountering feces and the bacteria it harbors during sex, it does not reduce the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection STI.
It is also essential to use the correct liquid, such as saline solution, although it is OK to use tap water for douching from time to time. Always use lukewarm water, as hot water can also cause damage.
Pure for Men is essentially a very fancy high-fiber diet. From their website:
Pure for Men fiber capsules: regulate your system, not your playtime
Looking to upgrade your sexual wellness routine? Add our dietary fiber to help support healthy digestion, while making prep time quick and easy. Take daily to help remove excess waste so you can bottom with confidence.
Ever thought “now’s not a good time?” Well we’ve got your back(side). Pure for men Fiber is the original vegan cleanliness supplement made with a proprietary blend of Chia, Flaxseed, Aloe, and Psyllium husk to promote digestive health so you can have spontaneous fun. Stay ready.
Their regime of treatment:
(#3) Lots of capsules, plus glasses of water
The business part of the preparation — providing lots of bulk (which apparently takes some getting used to) and laxative action — is the psyllium fiber; from NOAD:
noun psyllium: a leafy-stemmed Eurasian plantain, the seeds of which are used as a laxative and as a bulking agent in the treatment of obesity.
The aloe vera and ground chia seeds and flaxseed all have their (putative) medical benefits, but the real work of Pure for Men is done by the psyllium fiber.
Day 5, 12/17. Pure advertising: DJ gift cards instead of five golden rings. Let’s pass on to:
Day 6, 12/18. The ad of the day: hypermacho image and text:
(#3) Somewhere in this there are six geese a-laying (for some value of goose and some value of lay); meanwhile, Super-Butch is beautiful in blue25% OFF AMPLIFY x CIRCUIT
Introducing the latest DJX collaboration between Amplify and Circuit collections.
With the added lift and support from Amplify and the fetish stripe elastic from Circuit, this is the ultimate underwear to add to your DJX collection.
Amplify x Circuit comes in red as well as blue, and in a (very brief) brief and trunk as well as a jock. Below, radiant in red, a hunky young man all cleaned up for the camera:
(#4)
Ultimate underwear!
January 5, 2022 at 10:01 pm |
Psyllium husk is the primary ingredient in fiber supplements like Metamucil and the like, powders you have to mix into 8-16 ounces of water (I use a house-brand equivalent from the chain pharmacy). Powdered or pelleted psyllium is also a supplement I give to my horse for seven consecutive days at the start of each month as a preventative for sand colic, which is a serious digestive problem resulting from a buildup of ingested sand in her intestines. The psyllium bulk is supposed to bind to it and help push it out. (When a neighbor’s horse died of this I followed her vet’s recommendation and added substantial amounts of Bermuda grass hay to her regular feed – it is also high fiber.)
January 6, 2022 at 4:50 am |
I should have noted in the posting that the benefits of Pure for Men can be obtained much more cheaply — but without the glitz and gloss — from Metamucil.
January 6, 2022 at 7:45 am |
it’s also the birthday of a good friend of mine, but he’s somewhat overshadowed by Beethoven and Austen
He’s also a friend of mine, and I think there are some who might dispute this claim, although admittedly he’s not as well-known worldwide.
Yesterday, WQXR celebrated the double birthday of world-famous pianists Alfred Brendel and Maurizio Pollini.
January 6, 2022 at 7:48 am |
In my defense, I did say *somewhat* overshadowed.
January 7, 2022 at 7:22 am
Fair point.