I sing the body elastic

(Men’s underwear, sexy song lyrics, nicknames, half-rhymes, and more. Some of it raunchy enough to have been banned in Malaysia, but then we’re not in Malaysia, are we?)

(#1)

His name is Mikey Bustos, he’s (self-described) Canadian Filipino, and he rap-sings of skimpy Speedos —

My goods are protected like an armadillo
When I’m in the ocean I feel good emotion
Because all the sand causes some real exfoliation.

and prances in them like a pro.

(Big hat tip to correspondent RJP.)

A wonderfully silly parody of the smash Spanish-language hit of the summer, the steamy “Despacito” (“Slowly”). The original is a product of scenic Puerto Rico:

(#2) You can watch the video here

On the artists:

Luis Alfonso Rodríguez López-Cepero (born April 15, 1978), known by his stage name Luis Fonsi, is a Puerto Rican singer, songwriter and actor, best known for the hit song “Despacito” (Wikipedia link)

Ramón Luis Ayala Rodríguez (born February 3, 1977), known by his stage name Daddy Yankee, is a Puerto Rican singer, songwriter, rapper, actor and record producer. Ayala was born in Río Piedras, San Juan, Puerto Rico, and was raised in the neighborhood of Villa Kennedy Housing Projects. According to the New York Times, he is known as the “King of Reggaetón” by music critics and fans alike. (Wikipedia link)

The song is full of intense sexual imagery and wild joy. There are many remixes, including two Justin Bieber efforts: one with  Fonsi and DY (video here), one with Ariana Grande (video here). (Just to note here that, in agreement with Zippy the Pinhead, I find Justin Bieber’s attractions inexplicable. Ariana Grande is something else.)

Meanwhile, the original has been banned in Malaysia. From Bloomberg on the 19th, “Malaysia Bans ‘Despacito’ on State Radio, TV Due to Lyrics”:

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (AP) — Malaysia has banned “Despacito” on state radio and television, though it might be hard to slow the song’s record-breaking popularity. The ban applies only to government-run radio and TV outlets, not to private stations or YouTube or the music streaming services fueling the song’s success.

Communications Minister Salleh Said Keruak said Thursday the song was reviewed and banned because of public complains that the lyrics are obscene. Salleh told The Associated Press that a remix of the song featuring Justin Bieber isn’t affected.

Salleh was also quoted by local media as saying private radio stations should censor the song themselves out of sensitivity to local culture.

An Islamic party, Amanah, earlier denounced the song and called for it to be kept off Malaysia’s airwaves because many young children were singing it without understanding the words.

… The original and the remix featuring Bieber together are the most streamed track of all time with more than 4.6 billion plays across streaming platforms.

A bit of the song translated pretty literally into English:

Slowly
I want to breathe your neck slowly
Let me tell you things in your ears
So that you remember when you’re not with me
Slowly
I want to strip you off with kisses slowly
Sign the walls of your labyrinth
And make your whole body a manuscript
Turn it up turn it up….. turn it up, turn it up

Mikey Bustos fixed on the /sito/ of Sp. despacito and heard an echo of Speedo /spido/, and he was off and running (on the beach in the Philippines, in a Speedo). You can watch the video here.

On MB, from Wikipedia:

(#3)

Mikey Bustos (born June 23, 1981 [as Michael John Tumanguil Pestano Bustos]) is a Filipino Canadian singer and comedian who has appeared on the reality television show Canadian Idol. He is also the owner of AntsCanada, an online shop that specialises in ant-keeping.

Bustos was born to Filipino parents in the Weston neighbourhood of Toronto. Before Canadian Idol, he worked as a temp at the Bank of Montreal. He attended St. Michael’s College School in Toronto.

… Bustos is very open about his Filipinophilia, his popular videos cover a wide range of topics including “Filipinism”, Philippine English phonology and Filipino culture tutorials such as eating Balut (duck embryo), Filipino dining, Filipino courting, and the Filipino CR [comfort room ‘public toilet’]. He also made a parody of “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga entitled “Pinoy This Way” and has many more based on various trending pop songs.

From one of his sites:

I’m a Youtuber + Recording Artist/Performer + Actor + Comedian + Entrepreneur + Nature Lover + Foodie + Traveler + Filipino Canadian

Huge number of covers, parodies, and cultural commentary. Sometimes two of these at once, as in his “Circumsizing Me”, a parody of Sam Smith’s “Stay with Me”, about the long-standing Filipino custom of circumsizing boys at the age of 8-10, as a rite of passage into adulthood. Among its memorable lines:

To turn my duck into penguin
They’ll cut off my loose skin.

(#4) Engorged snood, anxious Mikey, bare beak

In fact the bird depicted on the left is a male turkey, not a duck. From Wikipedia:

In anatomical terms, the snood is an erectile, fleshy protuberance on the forehead of turkeys. Most of the time when the turkey is in a relaxed state, the snood is pale and 2-3 cm long. However, when the male begins strutting (the courtship display), the snood engorges with blood, becomes redder and elongates several centimetres, hanging well below the beak.

You can watch the MB video here. And you can watch the Sam Smith original here. On Smith and the song, from Wikipedia:

Samuel Frederick Smith (born 19 May 1992)[2] is an English singer-songwriter. He rose to fame in October 2012 when he was featured on Disclosure’s breakthrough single “Latch”

… He released his debut studio album, In the Lonely Hour, in May 2014 on Capitol Records UK. … The album’s third single, “Stay with Me”, was an international success, reaching number one in the UK and number two on the US Billboard Hot 100

Pinoy Boy. As in #3 (and in MB’s Lady Gaga parody, “Pinoy This Way”). From Wikipedia:

Pinoy is an informal demonym referring to the Filipino people in the Philippines and their culture as well as to overseas Filipinos in the Filipino diaspora. A Pinoy with mix of foreign ancestry is called Tisoy, a shortened word for Mestizo.

An unspecified number of Filipinos refer to themselves as Pinoy or sometimes the feminine Pinay. The word is formed by taking the last four letters of Filipino and adding the diminutive suffix -y in the Tagalog language (the suffix is commonly used in Filipino nicknames: e.g. “Ninoy” or “Noynoy” for Benigno [Aquino] Jr. and III respectively, “Totoy” for Augusto, etc.). Pinoy was used for self-identification by the first wave of Filipinos going to the continental United States before World War II and has been used both in a pejorative sense and as a term of endearment, similar to Chicano. Although Pinoy and Pinay are regarded as derogatory by some younger Filipino-Americans, the terms have been widely used and have recently gained mainstream usage particularly among members of the Filipino masses and the Filipino-American sector.

Pinoy was created to differentiate the experiences of those immigrating to the United States but is now a slang term used to refer to all people of Filipino descent. “Pinoy music” impacted the socio-political climate of the 1970s and was employed by both Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos and the People Power Revolution that overthrew his regime. Recent mainstream usages tend to center on entertainment (Pinoy Big Brother) and music (Pinoy Idol), which have played a significant role in developing national and cultural identity. As of 2016, the term has been extensively used by the government of the Philippines itself with apparently no derogatory connotations. It is now more positive than the slang term “flip”.

Speedos. Background in my 10/6/16 posting on Speedo-style swimsuits and Speedos themselves (with photos). Then the sandcastle illustration from MB’s Facebook site:

(#5)

On the beach town, from Wikipedia:

Puerto Galera is the north-westernmost municipality in the province of Oriental Mindoro, Philippines. It is located at the south-western end of the Isla Verde Passage, about 130 kilometers (81 mi) south of Manila. It is mainly accessible from the Southern Luzon port of Batangas, which is acting as a gateway to the city.

Now the lyrics to the song (from the lybio site), notable for its many half-rhymes — for example, the run speedos, Mykonos, nachos, titos, mojitos, casino (tito: uncle; male friend of parents); the matching of recommend it with chick magnet; and the matching of kudos with Bustos. And in the middle, the noun exfoliation, which happens to have been my morning name a couple of weeks ago.

I’m Mikey
Oh This is a song Speedo
About freedom
Hey yeah! Go!

Me, I prefer to be free moving when I swim
No extra clothing to wear me down, so good
Beach is where I like to work on my sun-kissed skin
But I make sure I am evenly brown.

Oh, you see me passing by wearing my small swimsuit
You cannot believe your eyes I’m almost nude
As I’m walking by I’m shaking it like jello!
Oh yeah, I’m confident in the skin that I’m in and I will wear what I want this summer
Because I have been dieting like crazy, I’m on Paleo.

I wear speedos, when I’m at the beach you see me wear my speedos
Cover your kids’ eyes ’cause I am wearing speedos.
I am feeling fresh like I’m an ad for Mentos
I wear speedos when I’m at the store you know I’m wearin’ my speedos
When I’m doing cardio I’m wearing speedos

It feels super breezy like I ride tornados swimmin’ swimmin’ swimmin’ in my speedos
Why do people look at me, when I’m wearin’ my speedos
Boarding shorts, man I hate those ’cause the tan lines look so gross
I love my speedos, I love my speedos.

Why can girls wear floss, but I cannot wear these, they’re macho
If you need socks, hey I got you I will just wear it commando
When I’m in my speedo I feel fabulous, some might say I dress scandalous
You cannot make me cover it, just build a bridge, get over it

I make sure to always do my squats so I have bum bum
Everyone is gawking because they can see my bum bum
I don’t have to worry ’cause I don’t have tan lines on my legs
Only, only, the lucky ones will see it but in private

I am Asian and I cannot grow hair on my body
I walk around with my big butt that I got from my Mommy
‘Cause I love my speedo, don’t hate, give me kudos
Manila, Toronto They call me Mikey Bustos

When you see me passin’ I don’t like harrassin’
Look but don’t touch, unless you’re family or my cousin
‘Cause I wear my speedo control your libido
My goods are protected like an armadillo
When I’m in the ocean I feel good emotion
Because all the sand causes some real exfoliation.

Yeah, I wear speedos Get up out my way ’cause I be wearin’ my speedos
I have more grease on my body than Mykonos I be extra hot like I’m a dip for nachos
I wear speedos I’ll be on a beach in Philippines with titos
Oiling up my body while I drink mojitos and I always win like I’m a darn casino
Swimmin’ swimmin’ swimmin’ in my speedos

Wherever I go, you know I’ll be wearing my speedos
It even acts like a pocket I hide my money inside it
I love my speedos, I love my speedos.

If you are a boy and want to walk around in speedos
I obviously recommend it, it is even a chick magnet
I wear speedos, my OOTD [Outfit Of The Day] on Instagram is speedos
When I Facebook Live you know I’m wearing speedos
I will make this article of clothing viral

‘Cause I wear my speedo
Control your libido
My goods are protected, like an armadillo
I obviously recommend it, it is even a chick magnet
I love my speedos, I love my speedos.

‘Cause I love my speedo don’t hate, give me kudos
Manila, Toronto they call me Mikey Bustos
If your a fan of the speedo LIKE & SHARE this with your amigos
I wear speedos
It’s like a mankini!

The noun exfoliation. Of interest because of the semantic development of the verb exfoliate that the noun is derived from. From NOAD2:

verb exfoliate: [no object] (of a material) come apart or be shed from a surface in scales or layers: the bark exfoliates in papery flakes; [with object] cause to do this: salt solutions exfoliate rocks on evaporating; [with object] wash or rub (a part of the body) with a granular substance to remove dead cells from the surface of the skin: exfoliate your legs to get rid of dead skin; [with object] shed (material) in scales or layers. ORIGIN mid 17th century: from late Latin exfoliat– ‘stripped of leaves,’ from the verb exfoliare, from ex– ‘out, from’ + folium ‘leaf.’

(#6) When I’m in the ocean I feel good emotion / Because all the sand causes some real exfoliation.

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