The C1R Christmas sale: Johnny Hazzard

(Some language things, but mostly more gay sex stuff, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)

From Channel 1 Releasing, this Christmas ad (cropped here to eliminate Johnny Hazzard’s cock and make the image WordPressable):

(#1)

I recognized the ad immediately: it’s exactly the same as last year’s Christmas ad, which I posted about on AZBlogX at the time, in the posting “C1R Xmas greetings” (so if you feel you really need to see Hazzard’s cock right now, you can click on that link).

Now a few words about the text of the ad, and then some about gay porn superstar Hazzard.

Last year commenters noted that sexual arousal seemed to erode some people’s ability to use apostrophes: it should be ’twas, not t’was, and boys’ rather than the apostropheless boys. But did the C1R staff fix this during the intervening year? No, they did not.

Then there’s the use of “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” in the ad. Every year at this time, well-known copyeditor John McIntyre complains bitterly on his blog about the use of the poem in all kinds of writing. When it appears in copy he’s editing, he strikes it out, but I suspect that if he could take the perpetrator out and have them shot, he would. I sympathize with him.

Finally, the actual offer from C1R is much less dramatic than it might seem: it’s for a “5 Buck Fuck”, a $5 7-day trial of premium viewing of C1R flicks, almost all of which have fuck scenes you can use to jack off to, if that’s the sort of thing that gets you off. (After the 7 days, it switches to a $29.95/month subscription.)

But on to Hazzard, who was one of the featured players in an AZBlogX posting of 9/1/14, “Blowout and sleaze”, where Hazzard supplies the sleaze, sucking cock in #2 there, with sweaty face and greasy hair. (Hazzard usually projects a working-class persona, but he’s mostly better groomed than he is in this scene.) Then #3 shows him reflectively taking it in the ass (Hazzard identifies as versatile, and he has been known to top other men, but he clearly has a strong preference for getting screwed; his ass has been filled by so many men on so many occasions that it virtually has its own screen career). This posting also has material on Hazzard (who was born Frankie Valenti and now acts professionally, outside of porn,  under that name), from Wikipedia and from Al’s Gay Porn Stars.

Hazzard has a substantial presence on social media. He’s @johnnyhazzard on Twitter, where he describes himself as

A writer, a model, an actor, a foodie, a designer, an artist, a fitness freak, a gay man and all around nice guy who loves dogs and fried cheese.

He certainly does come across in interviews as a nice guy. In one interview he says that as a boy he was effeminate, quiet, liked to be by himself, and pursued interests in things like music and cooking that were not stereotypically masculine, adding that he was still just like that, except for the effeminate part. Somewhere along the line he butched up.

Hazzard is short (5’7 or 8″), with a big dick that looks even bigger because of his height, and with a slim and fit body. He entered the porn business in 2003 and eventually became the highest grossing actor in the history of gay porn.

Here he is displaying his body in an extreme cock-tease shot:

(#2)

and displaying his famous ass:

(#3)

Yes, lots of tattoos.

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