The Xmas package

From Undergear today, a holiday offer with a pun on package:

The model is presenting his (genital) package as a gift package. On offer on the site is this remarkable California Muscle® Under World Jockstrap (model costs extra):

With a description emphasizing the sexual properties of the clothing:

Made with bold silver accents, this tough-looking jockstrap will help you make someone an offer they can’t refuse. The pouch and waistband come together at a silver ring that lets everyone know just what kind of a hardware you’re packing. Made from a comfortable nylon/spandex blend, this jockstrap underwear is designed to leave a lasting impression.

“Just what kind of a hardware you’re packing” has a play on the verb packing and on the noun hardware, plus the treatment of hardware as a count noun, with the determiner a — “countification”, as discussed on Language Log here.

Similar usages aren’t hard to find. One example with a:

I am not egocentric, all I would like to do is to collect information for people (like me) that wonder what kind of a hardware they really bought. (link)

And plural hardwares ‘pieces of hardware’ is incredibly common, as in this example:

i have my numark total control and 2 technics 1200 mk2 and my sl3 hardware how do i connect the hardwares to work together (link)

8 Responses to “The Xmas package”

  1. Rick Sprague Says:

    “…this jockstrap underwear is designed to leave a lasting impression.” As tight as jocks typically are in my experience, I should think it would. Looks distinctly uncomfortable to me. But (with apologies to Keats) beauty is pain, pain beauty.

  2. arnold zwicky Says:

    And note that the hunky jockstrap model has a completely shaven-smooth crotch. The saying goes: when there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.

  3. The Xmas package 2 « Arnold Zwicky's Blog Says:

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  5. More underwear links « Arnold Zwicky's Blog Says:

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    […] reported for PORN, PORNO, and SLANG — here. I have since added FOLKLORE to this list, and, in a later posting, HARDWARE in the both the sexual and the computer sense, and, in still a later posting, EXPRESSIVE […]

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