This is gonna hurt, bro

(Men’s bodies and a wide variety of man-man sexual acts, plus bondage and pain, mostly in street language, so thoroughly inappropriate for kids and the sexually modest. Many readers will find the pain stuff decidedly ouchy; grit your teeth and push on through, that’s what all the sub boys do.)

In my mail a few days ago, an ad for a new subscription gay porn site, Bondage Bros, including the arresting photo below of two young men in gear for rough sex: a sub man negotiating over the pain, humiliation, restraint, and verbal abuse that his tough dom will mete out to him in their encounter — but especially the pain, which the sub appears to be looking forward to with some (possibly pleasurable) apprehension.

(#1) The Bondage Bros ad: Sub is already tripping on the pain train — note the suction clamps on his tits, torso, and belly — and is in restraints — he is hanging in immobilized discomfort with his hands tied above him; what he’s looking forward to is a satisfyingly savage whipping with the riding crop Dom is menacing him with (that whipping threatens to take him past his previous experience, into unexpected levels of pain, so he’s filled with both apprehension, even fear, and also hopeful anticipation: he might be about to get the best fucking roller-coaster ride of his life)

Remember that these are actors in a filmed dramatic production on the theme of man-on-man sex — in a genre of film/video created for the purpose of affording sexual arousal and release to the viewer. This is jack-off fantasy, connected to the sexual desires and practices of real men in very complex, and sometimes very distant, ways.

Here, the actors have been well chosen for their roles (and, of course, groomed to fit the roles, coached in them, and posed so as to convey them). Dom has the buzzcut, Sub the sweet curly hair. Dom’s face of disdain is matched by Sub’s face of apprehension (the facial expressions are beautifully done). But — and this is very important — both are really guy guys, with almost identical facial scruff to convey their masculinity. This is important because the target audience mostly identifies with Sub, and guys like us generally want to affirm our masculine identities.

The drama is Sub’s story; Dom gets the pleasure of being in command, of using and abusing another man, but his function in the drama is to give Sub what he needs.

So the affiliative address term bro probably isn’t out of place: Dom is helping a buddy.

Real world. Sub/dom encounters happen in the real world. I don’t know how often, but when I discovered I wanted to sub I found them pretty easy to get (and then, once I knew how this little world worked, I could offer my services as dom to men who needed one). Fairly easy to get, even understanding that you need to hook up with someone you can trust, in a safe place, and that takes real work. (In my years of wild sex, I was quite the slut, but I also chose my partners and the venues of our sex with considerable care, and never had a truly bad experience.)

Sub/dom encounters can be quick and urgent (in the world of man-on-man sex, anything can be quick and urgent) — in sex clubs of various sorts, where other men’s eyes are on you, in fact monitoring your behavior, ensuring that everybody adheres pretty closely to the rituals, keeps to the scripts. It might look like unbridled license, but in fact it’s highly (though tacitly) regulated.

Sub/dom encounters can also be private occasions — here’s where you need a lot of care in making the arrangements — providing longer encounters; those take negotiations. In one of my encounters (with another serious professional man, in his DC apartment), my dom made us some tea while we talked through our previous experiences, our preferences, and the basic outline of what he would provide for me: at some point I would be gagged and blindfolded, with my hands bound behind me (shivers of somewhat fearful anticipation here); there would be painful tit clamps (old friends that I looked forward to unreservedly — something I could do for myself with ordinary household clothespins, and sometimes did, but was much more satisfying coming from another man’s hands and with devices designed for the purpose); I would get my ass whipped (but how hard?); and there would be surprises, things I was not anticipating (but I could reject these, by using a safe word – WHISKEY; I didn’t need it on this occasion, but you always want one available).

The surprises turned out to a barrage of verbal abuse, in which he told me what a sick cocksucking faggot I was (yes, I am sir, and I embrace it all) and what a miserable little dick I had, fucking fairy excuse for a man (genuine ouch here, but take it and rise above it); licking his asshole (this I would happily have asked for, if I’d thought of it); and drinking his piss and pissing on myself (genuine surprises, and astonishingly powerful).

When the main program was over and we’d washed up and gotten dressed again, in the debriefing chat (look, I told you this stuff is highly regulated), I thanked him for the piss session, and he admitted that the pre-play tea had a double function: a gesture of friendly everyday companionship (yes, we were about to descend into various kinds of kink, but then we were also nice guys hanging out together), plus a diuretic to get both of us ready for the upcoming piss event. I confessed that I wasn’t going to wash out my mouth for a while, because I wanted to keep the lingering taste of his piss in my mouth, as a sweet memory — and he kissed me on the mouth, so I got some of his spit too. Oh yes, sweet.

A few notes on the psychology. From my 4/6/22 posting “How do I look?”, in a section on metal slave collars for men, on the HARP fundamentals of BDSM encounters — humiliation, (verbal) abuse, restraint, pain (see my encounter above) —  and then:

Many men who take the sub role are quite butch in presentation; although the psychology is very complex and motivations and perceived benefits vary considerably from man to man, it’s common for a man to undergo the rigors of HARP to validate or enhance his sense of masculinity (by, for instance, successfully undergoing an ordeal, or by symbolically absorbing the superior masculinity of his dom).

For many men, these encounters evoke the complex pleasures of serving in male hierarchies, in teams, with other men and also under the command of other men. The sergeant who breaks you down to build you up. The guys you bond with by simultaneously competing with them and collaborating with them. In an environment where you learn deference, respect, and loyalty.

Still other men, especially men in high-demand positions of responsibility, authority, and power, find respite, relief, in serving as subs — very commonly to dominant women, but if they’re inclined to other men in their sexual desires and practices, to other men.

Bondage Bros. A brief return to dramatic fiction and the world of #1. From the GayDemon site reviewing Bondage Bros on 3/27/22:

Bondage Bros is a brand new [subscription] site from gay porn star and director Trenton Ducati, who is also the producer of Nasty Daddy and Gentlemen’s Closet. This new fetish site just opened at the end of March 2022 and features well-known porn hunks in hard hitting bondage and fetish sex action. The men and sex are right up my alley, so I’m as excited as a caged sub released to service his master. Join me while I have a look.

Most of the men are mature with muscular bodies, and they’re all well-known porn stars: Dale Savage, Isaac X, Alpha Wolfe, Michael Roman, Drew Sebastian, and site owner Trenton Ducati. They’re a mix of hairy or smooth, and most have facial hair of one kind or another. There is also a selection of young men in their twenties with athletic bodies – Devin Franco, Jack Hunter, Kyler Ash, Zac Snow, and Shae Reynolds.

For the most part, the older men play the doms, although bearded daddy Alpha Wolfe gets flogged and fucked by Devin Franco in one series, and the session ends with Devin beating Alpha’s boner with a riding crop. Hot! Hung muscle hunk Isaac X has Zac Snow gagged and secured in a leather strait jacket, roughs him up with his hands and beats him with a riding crop. Leather man Dale Savage has a nearly naked Shae Renolds suspended on chains from the ceiling, he torments his nipples with clamps and beats him with a riding crop. A naked Drew Sebastian sits in a leather sling while muscle man Michael Roman licks his knee-high boots.

… [conclusion:] I loved the mature, masculine men here and the action was hot to watch, I especially enjoyed watching Devin Franco, who usually bottoms, dominate a hairy, bearded daddy. I’m looking forward to watching this site grow, now I’m back to my cage.

(On other occasions I’ve celebrated Franco, for his open enthusiasm and for a body very much like my man Jacques’s. Very hot, and fun to watch.)

The real world: pain. From previous postings.

— from my 12/24/19 posting “Hung with care”, on the torture of a man strapped to a St. Andrew’s Cross, or saltire:

The submissive in the photo is facing front, his body available for edging (bringing him to the edge of ejaculation by hand or mouth, but not allowing him to come) or torture (in particular, tit torture, cock and ball torture, or having his pecs flogged or punched).

Facing back, the submissive’s shoulders and ass are open for whipping, flogging, paddling, or slapping.

… I was once given a briefing by a young friend who was looking forward with excited apprehension to long hours of service being whipped on his back, ass, and thighs on an X cross at a gay sex club.  He was quite analytical about the physiological effects of this whipping (waves of endorphins, intense increasingly consuming pain taking him to another state of consciousness, exhaustion compounding these effects) and the emotional satisfactions (heroically rising above the pain, then being taken past his limits and being broken by it, accepting the superior power of his tormentor and absorbing it to rise again).

— in my 2/25/17 posting “Displaying your nipples”, there’s a section on giving and getting nipple stimulation (titplay) as sexual pleasures for (many) gay men. This is where this posting is going, except that we’re about to get into the rough stuff. Right now.

— in my 5/24/21 posting “The Ecstasy of St. Atlas”:

In the case of nipple play, pleasurable stimulation can give way to (often pleasurable) pain. From Men’s Health magazine, “The 13 Best Nipple Clamps You Can Buy Online: Who knew pain could feel so good?” by Zachary Zane on 1/19/21:

If you’re looking for a sex toy that elicits a powerful reaction throughout your entire body, then you should totally consider nipple clamps. When your nipples are pinched, the sensation isn’t just localized to your nips — you get a rush of adrenaline and endorphins that sends a powerful, pleasurable sensation coursing through your veins.

The pleasurable stimulation can by autoerotic, stroking or otherwise playing with your nipples. So can pain; you can apply nipple clamps — even just clothespins — to your own nipples. Or, of course, the pain can be part of a sub + dom scene with a partner.

The gear. A few notable items providing tit torture. Starting with a fairly neutral image: nice-looking furry guy (with a pleasant but very low-key facial expression), with simple clamps on his nipples, that’s it:

(#2) (on Amazon) A pair of Andrew Christian Trophy Boy black nipple clamps; the chain is an important part of the gear

At the other end of the scale: from Mr S Leather, Eagle Talon tit clamps, being used to provide high-quality agony (by pulling on the chain):

(#3) [ad copy:] These tit clamps aren’t for the faint of heart. Your boy is sure to squirm when he sees the five pronged metal micro-grip claw close to his nipples. A serious toy for serious players.

Yes, pronged claws. I suspect that these are out of my range. Heavy on the ordeal, not so much adrenalin / endorphin rush. (I’m mostly an endorphin-rush guy.)

Ordinary plastic clothespins can give you a pretty good rush, but they don’t hold their grip and they don’t have a chain. For that you need an industrial-strength tit-clamp counterpart: jumper clamps (like jumper cables for car batteries). From the Fort Troff kink-gear site:

(#4) Vivid tit-grips that the guy is clearly enjoying, handsome saucy male face, sweet armpits as a bonus (so this is a pitsnTITS pose); if you have a dom bone in your body, this should work for you

And then back into the nipple-clamp world of #1, with suction clamps, applied individually: nipple / nip / tit suckers. Like these from the Amina site (“Why, yes, I do have yellow suction cups on my nipples. My Twinge Buddies. They’re a fashion statement, all the hot queer boys are wearing them this season, and also a throbbing source of pleasure. C’mon, man, flick my fucking Twinge Buddies, gimme a rush.”):

(#5) [ad copy:] Amina snake bite nipple suckers: Used to extract poison out of the body from a snake bite. These also make great toys. Includes two powerful suction cups. The suction cups may be applied to nipples or to other parts of the body.

The slightly parted lips are perfect. And I just love “These also make great toys”. Shimmer: it’s a floor wax and [oh, yeah] a dessert topping. He’s a true friend and companion, and, should it come to it, meat.

Five kinds of pain. My own inventory of the stages of tit torture and the sensations that go along with them. This is descriptive and analytical and also appreciative and sort of jaunty too. In fact, I find that, at least in its lower, non-ordeal, ranges, nipple play is an odd kind of fun, and the effects are magnified a lot if another guy is doing it to me.

— 1 applying the clamps: clamp pain. But first, not fun. Instead it’s being struck by lightning, exploding in fire, your whole body enveloped in a shimmer of heat that radiates out from your tits. It hurts like fucking hell, but that lasts no more than a few seconds, then it detonates an afterblast of those oh jesus fabulous chemicals that course through your body in wave after delicious wave oh fuck I want this to last forever.

Yeah, yeah, it’s like a gargantuan orgasm, only incredibly sharp and bright, hurts like a hot knife, and almost immediately it’s overtaken by that orgasmic rush of healing hormones. Except that on this trip you don’t get to just luxuriate in the afterglow, because you’ve got a whole itinerary of pain in front of you, stages of the cross that you committed to when you got that first hit from having your tits abused.

Only the steeliest dude can get through that first hit without at least gasping. Most of us cry out in agony. But then the rush, that’s why you got on the train. And then:

— 2 holding the clamps in place: ache pain. The bite of the clamps will keep giving you fresh pains, just from moving your body or having the clamps brushed by a hand or a piece of clothing. The ache pain is mostly dull, but anything that moves either your tits or the clamps will refresh the pain a bit, give you a little pang and a little hormone rush.

— 3 pulling on the clamps or hanging weights on them, to maintain and refresh the bright pain: pull pain. Consider #3 above.

— 4 pulling them off: rip pain. Most clamps can be carefully retracted and removed, an act that will give you a small stab as a nipple expands from the clamp’s compression.

But having them roughly pulled off will also rake your tits and give you a hit almost as sharp and hot as the one you got when the clamps were first applied. With its own ensuing rush. See stage 1, and note that your tits have now been damaged to some degree; the damage is temporary, your tits will heal, but they have been damaged. (Some men embrace this damage, cultivate it, work to build up scar tissue that will give them thick, long, hard tits. Yes, yes, tits like little dicks, tits that other men can suck on like cocks, for mutual pleasure. I have been one of those titsuckers; I mean, I like sucking on standard-issue male nips and I like sucking cock, so although this is a fresh experience, it’s a very easy reach.)

— 5 afterpain. Your tits will be sensitive for some time, maybe days, after they’ve been tortured. Again, this pain (the afterpain) will probably be sharpened if anything brushes against the tips of your nipples. In any case those little pangs are souvenirs of your trip, barely painful at all, and you might find them to be sweet reminders.

There is, of course, the danger of a bad trip. If you’re doing yourself, you can learn how to calibrate the steps to get the levels of sensation you want. If you’re going to have another guy do you, you’ll want to hook up with a guy you can trust to bring you to those levels, or at least not stretch you too far past them. (I never had a bad trip, or gave another guy a bad trip, but then I generally act cautiously and judiciously, even in the pursuit of abandon and ecstasy.)

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