Gayupid’s Arrow: We are everywhere, and now you are too

Passed on by Billy Green last June, this hot news story from the website Only In American: For America, By Americans: a 6/26/17 posting by Marion Uncmeier, “Gays Invent Mini-Crossbow To Shoot Straight Men With Homosexual Chemtrail Tipped Toothpicks and Turn Them Gay”:

(#1) The gay crossbow

Scientists with the CDC report all across the nation medical clinics are reporting straight men being brought in with symptoms consistent with raging homosexuality.  Clinical review of the patients reveal they have several small puncture wounds to the neck region created by a high velocity, spear-like projectile.  The blood contains high-levels of homosexual chemtrail.

Investigation into this new phenomena shows that all across the nation, an organized effort of gays to recruit as many heterosexuals as possible is taking place.  Gays have given this effort a friendly name of ‘Pride Month’, but those within the know in the gay community secretly call it the Homosexual Recruitment Festival.

Moles within the gay community reveal that gays pooled their vast wealth and knowledge of advanced mechanical engineering to create a mini crossbow that can shoot a toothpick with great accuracy over a distance of 100 yards.  This was allegedly done so that gays could ‘pick off straight men at the length of a football field’, meaning even the most toned and tight athletes are at risk.

The Christian Defense League of Texas is warning men to keep their guard up and be wary of any sudden ‘pinches’ to the neck or body.  Though the heats of summer are high, it is advised to wear a turtle neck mesh with long sleeves or even an ascot-like tie around the neck to help protect from puncture wounds.

Researchers report that since Monday morning, over 126 men have been hit by one of these weaponized chemtrail toothpicks with an unknown number already succumbed to homosexuality still roaming the street, likely in the throws of unbridled homosexuality typical of the lurid chemical concoction.  When these men come to, the CDC warns all they will have us groggy, shameful memories of committing all sorts of gay acts with the men who shot them down in the first place, so timing is of the essence in getting medical treatment.

Yes, profoundly silly: either seriously lunatic, or just wildly antic.

On the chemtrail reference, from Wikipedia:

(#2) A jet’s contrail

On the website and its manager, from onlyinamerican.com:

Only in American is a global media organization powered by writers, tv presenters and a community who share their unique worldview and perspectives to provide a brand of information, entertainment and insight into the world’s current issues.

Mission Statement: Our mission is to ensure that Manifest Destiny transcends physical borders and extends to every computer screen, every smartphone device and every heart, so that the true message of America can reach the hearts and minds of all true-believers, and let those who are against us know that history shall judge their opinions also false and invalid.

Marion Uncmeier is a New York based syndicated columnist and musician who specializes in adult education and television production.  Marion’s recent work on the ‘Hidden Dangers of Modern Homosexuality’ and RR [Religious Right?] adult education series have won several accolades in both American and European markets.

Headlines for some other news flashes from last year:

Confirmed: Gays Are Lacing Easter Eggs with Homosexual-Inducing Food Colorings (4/10/17)

Confirmed: Gays Are Infusing Marijuana With Homosexual Chemtrails to Turn Potheads Into Gay Love Slaves  (4/20/17)

Gay Pride Month, Known As Homosexual Recruitment Month in Gay Circles, Claims Heterosexuality of 49 Christian Men So Far  (6/17/17)

Did The Gay Voting Bloc Conspire To Vote Trump Into Office To Increase Global Warming?  (7/4/17)

Obama Uses His Apocalyptic Powers To Cause a Sinkhole in Florida  (7/15/17)

Confirmed: Obama Forced NASA To Experiment With Time Travel So He Could Travel To The Nativity Scene and Whisper Liberal Politics (7/28/17)

The notion of homosexual chemtrail seems to be peculiar to this Uncmeier character. Here it’s combined with fire ants, in a 8/1/15 posting on Uncmeier’s Liberal Darkness site, “Fire Ants Are Being Laced with Homosexual Chemtrails to Bite Christians And Convert Them To Homosexuality”:

(#3) Fire ants are being laced with homosexual chemtrails and then dumped in neighborhoods with higher per capita rates of Christianity (caption from Liberal Darkness)

The homosexual chemtrail concoction contains a high concentration of gay endorphins.  Sources confirm that several exclusive gay clubs collected the spent sweats of late-night homosexuality, then sent them to a laboratory where in-vitro techniques were used to create this potent new form of biological homosexual chemtrail.

When scientists presented this sweet-tasting mixture of gay body sweat and homosexual chemtrail to fire ants, they found the ants themselves take on the characteristics of a late-night gay man glistening with sweat at a dance party: exhausted but fueled by lurid drug combinations, constantly masticating and thirsty and high affinity toward heterosexual pheromones.

When placed next to a person who is not homosexual, the ants become restless and aroused, lifting their brightly colored abdominal areas in the air as if in some form of coital temptation, their jaws ravenously snapping toward the flesh of any non-gay person in their proxy.

This shows the gay endorphins in the chemtrail are giving these fire ants the same desires gay men have for straight men:  fiercely strong and relentless.

Various Christian neighborhoods in Texas have been reporting a sharp increase in these chemtrail laced fire ants and the CDC is reporting a higher incidence of homosexuality in Texas.  This is all likely part of Obama’s Jade Helm invasion, but the Texas Chaper of the Christian Defense League suggests homeowners spray all of their doorways with bug guard and be vigilant in not becoming victimized by one of these ants.

One bite likely contains a high enough chemical concentration to make a man at least secretive or agnostic toward his growing desires of homosexuality.

Note two paranoid fantasies wrapped together here: that homosexuals target Christians for persecution, and that gay men are predatorily attracted to straight men.

As for fire ants, from Wikipedia:

(#4) Solenopsis invicta, the red imported fire ant

Fire ant is the common name for several species of ants in the genus Solenopsis. They are, however, only a minority in the genus, which includes over 200 species of Solenopsis worldwide. Solenopsis are stinging ants and most of their common names reflect this, for example, ginger ants and tropical fire ants. Many species also are called red ants because of their light brown color, though species of ants in many other genera are similarly named for similar reasons.

… Although most fire ant species do not bother people and are not invasive, Solenopsis invicta, known in the United States as the red imported fire ant (or RIFA) is an invasive pest in many areas of the world, notably the United States, Australia, China and Taiwan. The RIFA was believed to have been accidentally introduced to these countries via shipping crates

… [In the US] RIFA are currently found mainly in subtropical southeastern … states

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