douché!

An exclamation reported to me back in June by Lee Tucker, a transparent portmanteau of the slang slur douche (as in douchebag) and the exclamation touché! ‘good / clever point!’. But I didn’t know quite how to analyze his (invented) example. Now I have some simpler examples, and I think I’ve got a handle on it.

[Background. This entry from NOAD2:

noun douche: 2 informal, chiefly North American an obnoxious or contemptible person (typically used of a man): that guy is such a douche.

(Note that the example doesn’t really elucidate the use of the word; all you can tell from it is that douche is an evaluative term.)]

Some examples (slightly edited for parallelism) from Urban Dictionary, all three-part exchanges in which the first person says or does something douchey, the second tops that in douchiness, and the first reacts with Douché!.

(1) (ArtsyMcShitshimself 3/14/08) When someone one-ups you in a clever, albeit douchey way.

1 produces an overlong speech, monologue, etc.

2: Nice one-man, four-act play, guy.

1: Douché!

(2) (Kyndness 2/25/10) used as an acknowledgment during a discussion when a good or clever point made, usually in an extremely asshole-ish manner. and usually the expense of the person to which to comment is directed.

1: No I don’t want to eat at that restaraunt, it has a funky fish smell.

2: Yea well, it’s no worse than your girl’s pootang.

1: Ahhh, douché.

(3) (auracd 11/21/11) used to acknowledge the superior douchie-ness of a colleague/friend/etc.

1: That shirt’s hideous.

2: You’re so hideous that when you sit in the sand, cats try and bury you.

1: Douché.

(4) (McRib sandwich 2/14/14) used to admit that someone has made a clever or effective point, while pointing out that they’re still a douche.

1: Come here often?

2: No, and you’re not giving me much reason to come back.

1: Douché.

In a truncated version of the exchange, the first person is assumed to be at least something of a douche, and their part of the exchange isn’t reported; then the second acts like a douche, as here:

(5) (Douchebag 9/7/10) an exclamation someone makes when a douche manages to bring them down to their level.

2: You thought that Forest Gump was in black and white.

1: Douché.

Lee Tucker’s example, involving two best bros who celebrate things like misogyny in gaming and racism in general, was of this sort. Edited to fit the format above:

(6) (Lee Tucker 6/28/17) the exclamation a bro makes when a fellow bro scores points with other [douche] bros…

2 calls a SJW [social justice warrior, used pejoratively] a cuck [short for cuckservative, alt-right term of abuse for conservatives who are judged to have sold out].

1: Douché.

From these six examples, I take the function of douché to be to convey something like ‘I bow to your (superior) douchiness’.

Note that these examples are all invented, not observed. I still haven’t found an example reported from conversations in real life (or even in fiction). That is, at least for the moment the expression seems to exist entirely as wordplay in a type of joke. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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