Pleasures of patriotic penetration

(Well, dildos and vibrators, so not for everybody.)

Passed on by Jeff Shaumeyer on Facebook, a startling sex toy, from the BlogRebellen website yesterday:

(#1)

Fühl den Nationalstolz tief in dir mit dem Deutschland-Dildo ‘Feel national pride deep within you with the Deutschland Dildo’

Black, red, and gold (the colors of the German national flag, in order, here from the black Eichel, or dickhead,  to the gold Hoden, or balls), in silicone, with natural-looking veining and a suction-cup base. Be a penis patriot: fuck yourself the bold Teutonic way!

On the flag:

(#2)

The flag of Germany is a tricolour consisting of three equal horizontal bands displaying the national colours of Germany: black, red, and gold. The flag was first adopted as the national flag of modern Germany in 1919, during the Weimar Republic.

If Germany, why not other countries? How about patriotic dildos — or the dildo cousins, vibrators — in the blue, white, and red of France; the red, white, and blue of the U.S.; and the complex red on white on blue of the Union Jack (and its spinoffs in, for example, Australia and New Zealand)? Here’s a bold attempt to embrace them all. in a blue, red, and white dildo from the Bad Dragon site:

(#3)

And then a trip down vibrator lane with the Union Jack:

(#4)

Keep one in your handbag, or manpurse, in case of sexual emergency. And remember: it’s not just clits that can use a stim.

And then there are designs for Avenger vibrators, including a spiffy one for Captain America:

(#5)

From the somecards site on 8/13/13:

Artist designs 6 different Avengers-themed dildos, one for each superhero.

“Some assembly required” takes on new meaning with artist Balazs Sarmai’s titillating depictions of Avengers-themed vibrators. He posted these, saying “geek girls, today I made something special for you.” So, geek girls and non-geek girls (and boys), rejoice! Now you can imagine you’re imagining being sexually stimulated by a superhero. Every team needs a captain, and every vagina [let’s not forget anuses] needs one of these.

Oh, Captain America! Shake that thing in me! (I note that the Captain goes in blue end first, à la française, rather than red end first, à l’américaine.)

And now, since this is Pride Month, I turn to the rainbow flag and its dildonic manifestations. Here there’s an enthusiast, whose Sex Ed 102 w/ Kara Sutra site surveyed, for 2014 Pride in Toronto, a collection of rainbow sex toys, mostly dildos. Here are four, in thumbnail shots:

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[1] If there were ever a set of dildos that reminded me of Pink Floyds ‘Dark Side Of The Moon‘, the Pride Rainbow versionsf rom BS Atelier would be first on the list.

Crafted by hand in Madrid, Spain, each of the dildos in the Pride Collection is unique, sporting sleek black shafts, curved bodies for g-spot stimulation, and rounded bases perfect for strap-on or anal play.

(#7)

[2] rainbow unicorn horn dildos from Split Peaches.

(#8)

[3] Color Pleasures rainbow dildo by NS Novelties

(#9)

[4] Rainbow Amor Dildo [no longer available]: From start to finish this dildo is everything I could ask for; there’s no bleeding of shades from one to the next, it’s crafted from body safe silicone (Fun Factory, thank you for making this!), it’s neither too big nor too small, AND it has every color perfectly distributed just like a real rainbow should.

She’s got more rainbow sexual paraphernalia linked to as well.

And then from an offering on etsy, some cute knit(ted) dildo covers — surely you have a collection of dildo covers — in rainbow patterns:

(#10)

Keep those dildos snug and dry!

One Response to “Pleasures of patriotic penetration”

  1. arnold zwicky Says:

    On Facebook, Robert Coren admires the adjective dildonic — I wish I could take credt for it, but I picked it up on the street — and suggests that the dildo covers might better be called dildo cosies.

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