Yes, yes, I am bombarded with blizzard warnings, for the terrifying storm now bringing NYC and the surrounding areas to a standstill. But, bafflingly, though I am fully aware that the warnings are about a blizzard, I keep hearing them as announcing a lizard warning — as if I must now beware of a rain of cold-stunned iguanas falling from the trees or an advancing army of marauding Komodo dragons.
Sadly, since we are now in the zone of terrifying creatures, I have to tell you that Gojira / Godzilla is a reptilian (or dinosaurian) monster, or kaiju, not a squamate one (all lizards are reptiles, but not all reptiles are lizards). You should indeed be alarmed by the news that Godzilla is on the rampage in your neighborhood — that means it’s slated for utter devastation — but such a bulletin is not, technically, a lizard warning. It would be a grievous usage error to race through the streets screaming the lizards are coming! the lizards are coming!
The squamate world. Most lizards are small creatures, largely insectivores, in no way dangerous. Once it gets hot, I will have little Western fence lizards sunning themselves on my front patio. They verge on the actually cute, and also consume lots of insect pests in my garden strip, so they are welcome visitors. Larger lizards consume fruit or small mammals. They are all cold-blooded. Most are egg-laying, but some are viviparous.
At the other end of the scale, there’s the ill-tempered and venomous Komodo dragon, the largest lizard currently living — not a creature you want to encounter in a dark alley. AVOID KOMODO DRAGONS, that should be your motto. Blessedly, unlike Godzilla (and alligators), Komodo dragons are vanishingly rare in urban settings. You are unlikely to be faced with a Komodo dragon warning — a comforting fact in a harsh world.
Some other lizards, mostly unalarming:
anole, iguana, chameleon, gecko (though you might have to fend off geckos hawking insurance, not to mention the greedy Gordon Gecko), skink, monitor lizard, beaded lizard, bearded dragon
Many of these creatures can be kept as interesting, though deeply undemonstrative, pets.
This is the end of your lizard warning.
February 23, 2026 at 8:27 pm |
We’re in for another night of raining iguanas here. Coldest winter in ages.
February 24, 2026 at 4:08 am |
For my readers: “here” for Sim and his husband is Dania Beach FL, a bit north of Miami.
February 25, 2026 at 6:59 am |
I note that in Walt Kelly’s Pogo strips, Albert the alligator considered “overgrown lizard” to be “The Supreme Insult”.