Arnold Zwicky's Blog

(All about things that are phalloid — penis-like — to one degree or in one way or another — with illustrations, though no actual human penises will appear here. But it’s clearly not to everyone’s taste.)

A recent theme in my gay home decor (which is deeply playful but also flagrantly sexual, and littered with books as well): 3-D printings of things that are not merely phallic by nature, but (also) deliberately designed to resemble penises in some detail; they are doubly phallic. The neck and head of a brontosaurus, or of a giraffe; an elephant’s trunk; a banana.

In the world of double phallicity, it’s not just objects of the natural world; plenty of phallic artifacts can be similarly enhanced: salt and pepper shakers, chandeliers, lollipops, all can be — and have been —  engineered to resemble male genitalia in some detail.

Meanwhile, phallic artifacts — notably, tower buildings and rockets — can have their phallicity upped to some degree, without any intention on the part of the designers to simulate a glans penis or testicles or whatever (but sometimes it happens anyway, to public amusement).

The brontosaurus and the banana. From my 11/9/21 posting “Dick Dino decor”, about some dinosaur figures in which the modest natural phallicity of the dinosaur neck and head has been absurdly amplified (in 3-D-printed models, from various Etsy suppliers) by their transformation into a penile shaft and glans (complete with frenulum). Three of the species from that posting:

(#1) Tyrannosaurus rexes gamboling

(#2) An Apatosaurus / Brontosaurus trio

(#3) A Spinosaurus

I have figures of the first two in my bedroom. One of the oddities about having them around is that I quickly ceased to see them as, essentially, ambulatory dicks, but instead fell back on seeing them as dinosaurs (with somewhat odd heads).

Then there’s the banana, a classic phallic symbol. Another Etsy supplier has managed to double the banana’s phallicity:

(#4) Dicky Banana (also in my bedroom, in miniature)

Meanwhile, I have these two on order from other Etsy suppliers:

(#5) Dickephants

(#6) Dickiraffe (note the prodigious low-hanging testicles)

There’s a rich assortment of double phallicity in the graphic arts, going back centuries: already-phallic snails equipped with dickheads, that sort of thing. And fowl, with their extended necks. Roosters are especially good models, because they allow for an implicit side joke on cock ‘rooster’ vs. cock ‘penis’, as in this composition, in which a cookie fortune promises a thrilling time with cocks — illustrated with 19th-century woodblock prints of what you might think of as dicksters, roosters that are basically male genitals with two legs and a fancy tail:

(#7)

The salt shaker, the chandelier, and the lollipop. On to the world of artifacts. Three items.

— salt and pepper shakers. From my home collection of phallic objects, this salt shaker, with its columnar form and rounded top:

(#8)

But put your design in the hands of a phallus fan, and you get things like these penis-simulacra ceramic salt and pepper shakers  from another Etsy supplier:

(#9)

— chandeliers. They hang down from the ceiling, sometimes in decidedly phallic fashion:

(#10) From the Gallery website, a French Empire crystal chandelier

Phallic, but unintended and not genital in its details. But then consider this penis chandelier, one of many chandeliers designed by Dutch artist Hans Van Benthem:

(#11) With testicles and glans

— lollipops. They come on a stick, with a head you suck. So, naturally phallic:

(#12) Dr. John’s sugar-free lollipop collection; classic lollipops have disk or ball heads, but other shapes are possible

But the head can go all the way to a sylized representation of — a simulacrum of — a penis (or indeed the whole male genital package, including shaft, glans, and testicles):

(#13) From the Spencer’s (mail-order gift company) site: gummy lollipop penis candy ($10) – exceptionally lifelike (veined shaft, wrinkled testicles, glans with frenulum on the underside)

Enhanced everyday phallicity. There are plenty of artifacts that are phallic by virtue of the shapes that serve their everyday functions. Towers (especially round ones) and rockets, for instance. People tend to find their form entertaining (and a rocket launching invites comparison to ejaculation). But any further feature that can be seen as similar to a genital feature just makes things worse.

For rockets. see my 8/27/21 posting “Annals of phallicity: the Bezos rocket”:

(#14)

The point is that all rockets are phallic; what’s notable about New Shephard [above] is that visually it’s even more phallic than the rest [because of its glans-like tip].

Ah, the glans-like tip. Similarly with the Queen’s Wharf Tower in Newcastle NSW (in AU), called by some “the big penis” or “the big knob” (demolished in 2018 for reasons unconnected to its shape):

(#15)

And now it gets better. A lot more complicated, but more entertaining and also more earnestly serious. From the MamaMia (an Australian women’s media company) site, “The important reason Manu Feildel is creating penis-shaped culinary masterpieces” by Gemma Bath on 2/13/19:

For some reason, phallic shaped things that are phallic shaped by accident, always evoke a giggle.

Childish? Well, yes. Funny? Also yes.

The NSW town of Newcastle for example, recently removed this from their harbour foreshore … [#15 above]

We’re pretty sure it’s because it’s phallic shaped and was referred to by locals as the “penis tower”…? We can safely assume that’s not what the architect had in mind.

So imagine our delight when Manu Feildel posted this on his Instagram.

[Digression on MF. From Wikipedia:

Emmanuel Feildel (born 26 March 1974) is a French-Australian chef, restaurateur and television presenter trained in England, who is best known as one of the judges of the competitive cooking show My Kitchen Rules.

… In 2019, Manu took part in the ANZUP [Australian New Zealand Urogenital and Prostate] Cancer Trials Group’s Rude Food campaign. Manu prepared a selection of “rude” looking dishes to raise awareness for “below the belt” (penile, prostate, testicular, bladder and kidney) cancers.]

[meanwhile, on Instagram, from MF:] Name this dish – I like to call it the ‘Cockembouche’ Does it remind you of anything in par-dick-ular? 🤣

(#16)

It’s bursting with flavour and with one bite, will melt in your mouth.

I’m not just posting this for the laugh – I’ve created this #rudefood dish in support of @anzuptrials who work tirelessly conducting clinical trials to improve the treatment and outcomes of penile, testicular, bladder, kidney & prostate cancer these cancers are the ones that don’t make the headlines and people don’t want to talk about but we need to change that.

Food — chocolates, cookies, cupcakes, whatever — made to resemble penises is usually pretty schematic, often just representing an outline of the shaft, the glans, and the testicles. But MF’s creation in #16 goes way beyond that, since it’s a 3-dimensional representation of the shaft, the glans, copious ejaculate, pubic hair, and two hefty testicles. Oh my. (And all on behalf of a good cause.)

(Yes, like some of you, I’m wondering how MF manages to get a stable puff pastry shaft of that length. I suppose the whizzo kitchen Viagra is a top-chef secret.)

Now, about the croquembouche model for MF’s cockembouche. From my 12/25/18 posting “O croquembouche, my croquembouche”:

(#17) [AZ commentary today:] A hell of a lot of work to prepare — Ann Daingerfield and I sometimes made cream puffs, but never had the patience to make them into a tree like this — but admittedly very pretty to look at

[from Wikipedia:] A croquembouche or croque-en-bouche is a French dessert consisting of choux pastry balls [US: cream puffs] [filled with pastry cream, whipped cream, or custard] piled into a cone and bound with threads of caramel. In Italy and France, it is often served at weddings, baptisms and first communions [and, given its shape, it’s entirely suitable for Christmas, which is why it came up on this blog on Christmas Day three years ago].
… The name comes from the French phrase croque en bouche, meaning “[something that] crunches in the mouth.”

(In connection with the Cockembouche, I note that that a verb meaning ‘crunch’ is entirely unsuitable in a discussion of cocks. Never, ever, crunch a penis. Ouch.)

This entry was posted on December 10, 2021 at 7:47 pm and is filed under Language and animals, Language and food, Phallicity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.