Dirty words and dirty briefs

(Yes, as the title should tell you, this posting is not for kids or the sexually modest. It would be entirely unacceptable to Facebook, which is why I don’t link to it on Facebook, but merely tell my readers there where on my blog — this blog — they can find this posting.)

Originally this was supposed to be one of my brief postings, or briefs, in this case about some dirty talk; but then the idea of dirty briefs led me on in further directions in the garment world: to men’s briefs with dirty talk on them, and to wordless underwear that is dirty with the effluvia of the wearer’s body. It’s all one big tangle of senses of dirty and senses of brief. (However: no legal briefs were soiled, or even touched (upon), in the preparation of this posting.)

Mother Puss Bucket. Let’s dive right in, with Tim Evanson 11/11 on Facebook, driven to a rage at AT&T he cannot express on FB in the first words that come to mind — some form of motherfuck being the prime curse word of choice, but piss is in there too — lest FB once again wash his mouth out with soap and send him to jail without his dinner, and quoting from Ghostbusters (1984):

Mother Puss Bucket

which should really be spelled

Mother Pus Bucket

to reliably be seen as representing /pʌs/ rather than /pUs/.

The spelling facts, in a nutshell:

spelling for the /ʌs/ of CUT: buss, cuss, fuss, muss, mussel, Russ(ell), suss, truss, tussle; also bus, Gus, plus, pus

but, alas, spelling for the /Us/ of PUT: wuss and puss ‘cat’ < pussy

(Nobody ever said English spelling was simple.)

So that’s a brief (‘a concise statement or summary’: NOAD) about dirty (‘concerned with sex in an unpleasant or obscene way’: NOAD) talk. A dirty brief.

On to briefs (‘close-fitting legless underpants that are cut so as to cover the body to the waist, in contrast to a bikini’: NOAD), specifically focusing here on men’s underpants, starting with those that are physically dirty (‘covered or marked with an unclean substance’), specifically from the effluvia of the male body: sweat, piss, cum, shit.

Of passing interest here are dirty briefs in this sense as an item of commerce: there’s a fairly brisk market offering dirty men’s briefs for sale to gay men. And a parallel market offering dirty women’s underwear for sale to straight men. In both cases, the attraction of the underwear is that it bears easily perceptible traces of the physical body of the buyer’s object of sexual desire: not as satisfying as an actual body, but more satisfying than clean underwear, which is merely symbolic of the bodyparts it covers (though it’s not entirely without sexual charge).

Briefs with dirty words. Then there are underwear briefs with verbally dirty slogans printed on them (on the fabric or the waistband). Another kind of of dirty briefs, with dirty briefs parallel to dirty sign (a sign with dirty (verbal) material on it), and related a bit more distantly to dirty e-mail (e-mail with dirty (verbal) material in it) and still more distantly to dirty picture (a picture with dirty visual material in it).

Lots of companies offer dirty briefs of this sort. A Google search quickly found Dirty Bitch, a U.K. company with a huge inventory of dirty-sloganed underwear, for both women and men. In particular, this number, which spoke to me in much the same way as a t-shirt slogan I’ve posted about a couple of times, “Fuck Me Like The Whore I Am”:

Almost as good from the company: Anal Slut, Fuck My Hole, and Fuck Me Hard — but this one is both specific and elaborated

But wait!, you say, this has the announcement on the model’s pouch, but it’s inviting deliveries in the rear. The company has thought about that, and also about the lack of pizzazz in plain white lettering.

From the Dirty Bitch Clothing site [“We print and sell naughty clothing”]:

These briefs are black cotton (100% cotton). The design is printed as pictured and they are permanently printed and fully washable.

These can be printed in one of six colours [white, baby pink, red, gold, neon pink, neon orange]! just select your preference upon checkout!

We also offer these front or rear printed, please select upon checkout (rear print is larger than pictured)

Currently on sale for $15.24 (rear print $16.52), but shipping from the U.K. to the U.S. adds $8.46.

I have ventured to order a pair of these briefs in my size, with the slogan on the ass — I suppose I should write arse — and with lettering in neon pink. I don’t intend to wear it (that would constitute false advertising: I haven’t been fucked since some time in the last century, and for various reasons won’t ever be again, though the fantasy gets me sexually through a lot of my days); instead I propose to add it to the decor items in my X-rated bedroom, many of which are already cock- and fuck-oriented.

As for the Dirty Bitch slogans for gay men’s underwear (they have some that are specifically meant for straight guys), in addition to the ones already mentioned, here are some more:

Owned Slave, Your Fucktoy, I Am A Sissy, Sissy Clit, I Love Cum, 100% Sissy, Black Dick Only, 100% Gay, Want to Play? Older Guys (inside a heart), Size Matters, Monogamy Is Not Natural, Use Spit as Lube Master. Sissy’s Knickers, Kinky As Fuck And Proud Of It, I Crave Cock, Fat Cock Only, Black Cocks Only, Big Cocks Only, Dirty As Fuck And Proud Of It, All You Can Eat, Sissy Dick, I Love Black Cock, Make Me Cum, Anal Please, Cum Slut, I Love Cock, Gang Fuck Me, I Crave Black Cock

(I see that BBCs — big black cocks — are as popular with gay men in the U.K. as they are in my country.)

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