Heard in a tv commercial for Scratch-Aide:

Let’s face it: if you’ve got wood, you’ve got scratches.

Unintendedly, with an ambiguity in got wood: the literal ‘have wood’ and the idiomatic ‘have an erection’ (of the penis), ‘have a woody / boner / hard-on’.

On the mass noun wood ‘erection’, see some brief discussion in an AZBlogX posting of 1/4/11 on morning wood (posted on my X blog because it has a photo of a morning erection, from the gay porn flick Morning Wood).

An oddity not noted there is that the mass noun wood has the idiomatic penile meaning only as the object of get (notably in the informal idiom have got ‘have’) and a few other verbs (like pop), but not (at least for me) as the object of have itself, so that if the commercial had gone

Let’s face it: if you have wood, you have scratches.

there would have been no penile ‘if you have a hard-on’ reading.

Meanwhile, I muse on why I might expect to have scratches if I have a hard-on.

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