Pre-cut walker balls

So the label announced, in big bold type, leading me to reflexively shield my testicles from harm with my right hand: no one’s going to cut my balls if I have anything to do with it.

Oh, this is balls ‘spherical object’, not the specialized slang balls ‘testicles’. Specifically, it’s walker balls, the spherical objects on the two non-wheeled feet of a standard walker (NOAD: noun walkerNorth American a frame used by disabled or infirm people for support while walking, typically made of metal tubing with small wheels or rubber-tipped feet [or such feet encased in balls that make movement over a surface smoother and also protect floors].)

The classic walker balls are merely tennis balls mutilated so that they can be placed over the walker’s feet. My previous walker balls were in fact neon-yellow tennis balls. The new ones are modest gray objects specifically designed for their function.

All of this becomes clear when you read the whole label:

(#1) The main label

For completeness, the detailed instructions on the back of the label:

(#1) The fine print

I am somewhat worried about the “Not recommended for use on exterior surfaces” clause, though in fact I very rarely leave the house.

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