The Batman from Batman Returns (1992), his suicide bombers — don’t feel bad if you don’t remember, the plot was extraordinarily busy (details below) — were penguins. Mind-controlled penguins.
And of course they inspired toys. That was over three decades ago, so the toys are now collectibles. Plastic surprises that the South Dakota Department of Propaganda satire/parody website (“Lies to Tell the Truth, Truth to Tell Lies”) has mocked, as Michael Palmer informed me this morning:
(#1) Batman Returns Penguin Commando action figures made by Kenner, marketed in 1991-92 (from the SDDP site)
The story of the Penguin Commandos. From the Batman Fandom wiki on Penguin Commandos (I reproduce the story from the movie, because it’s manically crowded with characters in action worthy of the Keystone Kops):
Penguin Commandos were mind controlled suicide bombers used by The Penguin ([played by] Danny DeVito). They are typically depicted as real living penguins but they sometimes appear as robots.
History, from Batman Returns (1992):
The commandos were pets of Oswald Cobblepot that became pawns in his fight against Batman. The engineers in the Red Triangle Gang were seen constructing this equipment in the Penguin’s office while also drawing up the Batmobile blueprints, before he decided to run for mayor.
They had special radio-control helmets that the Penguin had placed on them in order to use them as suicide bombers, as they would would be launching missiles at buildings all around themselves. The Poodle Lady directed the Penguin Army from her igloo control station in the Arctic World. Thin Clown seems to have assisted in the final preparations of this operation.
Eventually they all converged at Gotham Plaza, but Batman jammed their control system so that they would not launch their ballistic missile payload. Alfred was able to redirect them back to the abandoned zoo from a computer console in the Batcave. After Batman arrived and landed his Batskiboat on top of Cobblepot’s fleeing vehicle, he tricked Penguin into using a hand-held signal device that caused the Penguins to fire their rockets in the zoo. It also released a swarm of bats from the skiboat that caused Penguin to step backwards into the Arctic World skylight where he fell to his death. As Batman rushed after him, he looked back to see the large structures being destroyed by the penguins behind him before zip-lining down into the exhibit interior. It’s likely some of the penguins died amidst the chaos.
And then the statue. There was also a life-sized replica (though apparently there are none left for sale now):
(#2) Batman Returns Penguin Commando life-sized statue: 20-inch tall prop replica made by Entertainment Earth
Another chapter in the annals of evil penguins.
(Yes, you get these bits of silliness because it’s too much to cope today with all the stuff I have about my friend of 58 years, Haj Ross, who died yesterday. Tomorrow I’ll start with a cowboy joke, just as Haj would have wanted.)
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