Well-meant advice

My medical life has been very difficult recently, but I’ve now decided to pretty much stop describing my travails on my blog or on Facebook. Despite my imploring — begging — friends not to offer advice, however solicitous, loving, and well-meaning, on my conditions, I continue to be besieged by such advice.

To which I am them obliged to respond, explaining why their ideas have either been taken into account, are not relevant to my complex of afflictions, or are impossible for me to carry out for some reasons I then have to provide. Not to respond would be the height of rudeness to my friends, and just saying “thank you for your concern”, period, would be only a bit less insulting. Responding in a gracious way takes a lot of time and diverts me from the medical concerns that absorb most of my time.

That’s why I keep saying NO ADVICE. But concerned friends apparently just cannot help themselves, in their desire to be helpful to me.

I despair.


3 Responses to “Well-meant advice”

  1. lise menn Says:

    It’s a variant of ‘I can’t give you anything but love’, isn’t it. I had an uncle who was full of unhelpful medical advice, and I finally just learned to say ‘uh-huh’, regardless of what he said I should do. It was the only gift in his power, poor guy.
    Maybe you can find a more graceful version of ‘uh-huh ‘ to trot out as needed…

  2. Bill Stewart Says:

    I’m generally glad that others do really care, but sometimes I can’t even finish a sentence before I’m told what to do. If it’s major, I will preface with “I don’t want you to fix this, but just hear me out.” That often doesn’t work either. Oh, at least they care?

  3. Max Vasilatos Says:

    I feel your pain. One time — ONCE, never again — I tried out explaining to someone that I am no longer considering medical attention as a way to manage MS, after she’d advised me at length about some new research. Those MS people are incredibly rich. To my surprise, she lost her temper to the point of shouting, and we were at a fairly large dinner for MacArthur fellows and their families, so not exactly a place you’d expect that kind of behavior.

    You’re of course aware of the downside wherein without being informed, people around you have expectations based on wrong information which is a tradeoff you have to live with. Carry on.

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