O death, where is thy ka-ching?

From the annals of grotesque salesmanship, in the mail today:

Inside, Assurance IQ instructs: Read Carefully: You are Eligible to Apply for Medicare Advantage Benefits

In fact:

You are one of only 260,467 people in California that we have identified as eligible for this program. Don’t wait, call today.

But, alas, Ann Zwicky isn’t in California, never was, and won’t be calling in any case: her ashes have been one with the earth in Columbus OH since she died in 1985, 36 years ago. (She would now be 84 but didn’t live nearly long to enroll in Medicare, much less contemplate additional Medicare benefits on one of the Medicare Advantage plans that Assurance IQ is touting.)

Yes, I know how this happens, via the miracle of database consolidations and searches, but it’s truly creepy — and, astonishingly, painfully grief-inducing. Two fresh griefs in one, in fact: one for Ann, the other for Jacques. Jacques and I found this condo together in 1986, and then he too died, in 2003, 18 years ago. Also too young to have enrolled in Medicare, but I suppose his shade will nevertheless be resurrected in forthcoming mail from Assurance IQ (he at least actually lived at this address).

No doubt I will escape the demon clutches of Assurance IQ, will find blessed release, only by dying myself.

3 Responses to “O death, where is thy ka-ching?”

  1. Ellen Seebacher Says:

    I’m so sorry, Arnold. That truly is grotesque.

  2. Robert Coren Says:

    A number of years ago, my husband John received a credit card offer addressed to his father. I think it had in fact been forwarded from his mother’s last address (she had died some years earlier, and he had her mail forwarded); but his father died in 1962, and had never lived at that address.

  3. thnidu Says:

    I still — thank God only rarely these days — get mail addressed to my late wife. Sometimes I’m so annoyed I return it as a change of address… to the cemetery.

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