(Not about language.)
A recent card from Chris Ambidge depicted a man in a bathtub, surrounded by dildos (image now available on my X Blog, here, along with eight other images of men in bathtubs) — including an enormous black number and an enormous red one, 9 or 10 inches long. Chris wrote that in a sex store he and a friend had once been encouraged by the owner to, um, toy with the idea of turning such an item into a lamp.
There’s a bit of a challenge here: inserting the pipe into the thing (the pipe is a hollow tube that the electric wires are threaded through and that connects to the socket) and arranging for the whole business to be sufficiently stable (dildos are silicone or jelly rubber and are designed to be flexible rather than stiff, and a dildo lamp would also need a base big and heavy enough to support the body of the lamp).
Inserting the pipe would be uncomfortably like (urethral) sounding — or entertainingly, depending on your tastes:
Sounding or urethral sounding is the medical use of probes called sounds to increase the inner diameter of the urethra and to locate obstructions in it. Sounds are also used to stretch the urethra in order to receive piercing.
Urethral sounding and urethral play are also used to refer to this practice in a sexual context.
Urethral play can involve the introduction of either soft or rigid items into the meatus of the penis (as well as farther in). Objects such as sounds are usually only inserted about halfway into the glans and can usually be easily retrieved. Other toys and items, such as catheters, may be introduced deeper; in some cases even into the bladder. (link)
You might think of it as recreational catheterization.
For whatever reason, dildo-to-lamp conversions seem to be rare. On the other hand, penis lamps constitute something of a genre. Four examples — two quite intentional (and enormous), two possibly inadvertent (and more ordinarily lamp-sized) — are on display on my X Blog, here.
February 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm |
I was in some wood/plastic/leatherworking classes back in high school, where two very common end results for people’s efforts were to add either lamp parts (and not of the bong-euphemism variety) or a clock mechanism. It would do me good to always remember that today, when I walk by a garage sale, to view everything in terms of what I could convert it into instead of just as what it is.
There’s a joke I’ve run across various times over the years, where a customer goes to a sex-toy shop and keeps looking at larger and more expensive dildos until they misinterpret some mundane object as the top model in the shop and insist they must have it no matter the expense. Drawing a blank on what the object actually was, I thought, hmmm, for all I remember it could have been a lamp, but when I tried to search for the joke, no, not in this version, anyway.