Ken ‘n’ Joe: an item?

(I don’t think there’s going to be anything of redeeming linguistic value in this posting, so I’ve categorized it as Not About Language. You’ve been warned. It’s also gay, sexy, and frivolous. You’ve been warned again.)

Following up on my doll-and-action-figure posting, Mara Chibnik wrote me that a couple of weeks ago she saw (in New York City) a one-act play by Andrew Black called “Don’t Toy With Me”. She goes on,

GI Joe drops in on Ken, and they’re about to enjoy their newfound relationship when (Malibu) Barbie walks in on them. The bit I liked best was the embarrassment of Ken’s offered confidence: “I’m, uh, not anatomically correct.”

Ah, the liaison between Joe and Ken that so many gay men have fantasized about.

Butch and twink, so nicely complementary. Everyone thinks Ken would be a pushy bottom, or might just turn the tables on Joe, after being subservient to the spoiled, demanding Barbie. Joe could be a refreshing change from the twink Buddy that Ken picked up at the Abbey in WeHo a few weeks ago. Here they are — along with a college football team (to tell which, you have to be able to distinguish scarlet from crimson from cardinal), a team of naked football players (their private parts politely concealed), a pair of hot lip-locked men in leather gear, a posey of pansies, and a bevy of iridiscent blue butterflies — in Ken’s magenta make-out convertible, on their way to a wedding, Buddy in remarkable magenta and clear plastic tux, Ken in shiny blue party costume, complete with Magic Earring in his left ear and Magic Cock Ring on a chain around his neck (fit this ring, and you’re his).

It was a lot of fun, hanging out with Buddy, but the gaiety eventually took its toll. Too many Cosmos, too much dancing till 2 or 3, all the constant changes of clothing to always look fabulous, you know how it goes. Maybe Joe could bring some solidity to a relationship.

But there’s the problem of Ken’s Tragic Deficit.  Not to mention Buddy’s. Ken wonders what Joe has in his pants, and hopes, fervently. A boy has his desires, after all. I mean, even dickless wonders have their desires. Maybe especially dickless wonders.

Ken has things to offer — not a dick, but a really hot ass and a first-class mouth, and he’s enthusiastic. Sometimes he wonders what it would be like if he’d been born with a pussy in front, instead of just the one behind — like Buck Angel, who’s proud of being a “man with a vagina”, just not so overpoweringly butch.

Ken muses. Fuck, he’s cute. It’s awfully early in the game to be asking him what he likes to do. He does seem gay (but gruff and sweaty, like those leatherguys I keep finding on the hood of my car, and they’re sure gay, and while we’re at it, damn those butterflies), but you never know. Maybe he’s a closet metrosexual, or bi — still, he might go for ass, or a really hot mouth, and I’m good at offering — just as long as he’s not an intolerant straight (could he possibly have missed that I’m a fag?), or a gay guy that needs dick, that would be a disaster. Maybe I should hope he’s a Zero Guy, like Buddy and me, we could work out an accommodation. But gee, I’d like some dick.

Ken weeps in frustration and dread.

[Credits: Cobra Woman for the inspiration, Wooly Mammoth for the pic, Maxie for the pointer to Buck Angel. No pansies were harmed in the composition of this posting.]

3 Responses to “Ken ‘n’ Joe: an item?”

  1. arnoldzwicky Says:

    Mara Chibnik says that — no surprise — the play was a lot tamer than this posting.

  2. arnoldzwicky Says:

    For the most part, the naked football players are politely concealing their privates (footballs can be useful), but one of them was out in the open, so to satisfy Apple and WordPress, I’ve covered his up with a bit of Post-It. At this scale, it was tiny, and in the busy pattern of the collage scarcely noticeable, but it was technically pornographic, so I pasted it over, ouch.

  3. arnoldzwicky Says:

    Magic Earring Ken, who wasn’t of course intended to be gay, went on the market in 1993, was snapped up by entertained gay men (there was an amusing period when we got to explain cock rings to straight acquaintances), elicited howls of derisive laughter and shocked criticism from pretty much everyone else, and was soon withdrawn.

    I didn’t get one at the outset, and then, predictably, the prices soared — goodness knows what they are now — so Carlos and Tyson don’t have Ken to play with.

    The ring was certainly not intended to be a cock ring, and it’s way out of scale (much too big on the dolls’ scale, much too small on the human scale), but once people had seen that interpretation of it, the doll was doomed. Well, that and the faggy clothes. And the earring (nobody ever got the connotations of left ear vs. right ear clear). And his pouffy hair.

    Too bad. There could have been a teachable moment here, with Barbie eventually coming around to accepting that her steady guy was gay, and Ken becoming her Gay Friend (an established role in modern social life). They could go shopping together. And dish about boyfriends.

    Instead, just on the suspicion that he was gay, before he’d ever said anything on the matter, he was driven out of Barbiton, and his name has never been mentioned since. Unfortunately like so many times in real life.

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