Not your grandfather’s Sears catalogue

From the Canadian pandas (Leith Chu and Chris Ambidge) on Facebook, an image from the Sears catalogue of a handsome model in a men’s 4-piece adjustable harness (plus a black pouch, sold separately). Readers marveled at the changes in the catalogue — not your grandfather’s Sears any more.

Here’s the image I got from the Canapandas, plus one of the harness worn somewhat differently on another model:

(#1)

(#2)

More photos from the Sears collection of kinkwear and fetishwear in a moment. Here I’ll note, with astonishment, that the collection is called Elegant Moments.

This is elegance? Hot, arousing, satisfyingly sleazy — but not elegant. More or less the naming equivalent of the watch in the mohel’s shopwindow (see “The Broken Watch”, joke XXX18 here).

Here’s the model from #1 in a leather choker with chain:

(#3)

(Note woman’s hand holding the chain, presumably to keep up the het cred for the item. But nothing says a guy can’t be collared by another guy.)

Then, the masterpiece, the penguin pouch (which I prefer to think of as a crotch penguin), again modeled by the guy in #1:

(#4)

This guy has a truly beautiful body, but even he can’t pull it off; your first reaction is to laugh, it’s so silly.

Your second reaction is to note that while the thing attached to his package is almost surely a bird — it has a beak and beady eyes — and is certainly black and white, it’s a terrible rendering of a penguin. (Mike McKinley wondered if it was a swan, and Aric Olnes suggested that it was, specifically, a Tundra Whistling Swan. Any kind of swan would be less silly than a penguin, since the penguin is a conventional figure of fun.)

Finally, you wonder just when and where you would wear such a piece of clothing. Party time at the baths or a men’s resort, I guess. Then you could get devoured by a guy in a leopard seal pouch and could devour a guy in a fish pouch. Wait, there might be something in this …

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